While My Knees Gently Creak*

Updated: Aug 7, 2023

An adaptation of the Fab 4’s choon is your theme for today’s report of the doings of SHWFC’s doings over the past week.

On the positive side on Monday we welcomed back Tom Derby after a long spell on the sidelines. On the downside on the same day Geoff Prout tweaked his hamstring, Les Meldrew decided his injuries meant he’d be better off Reffing (two referees called Les, this is too much for me….) and Lord R came over all dizzy with something that appears to be an ear infection. Then on Wednesday – finishing on a positive note on our injury update – it was good to see Geoff Painter watching again on his road to recovery.

Monday was a full house at Ruskin with 31 players attending giving us 6 teams and a quick turnaround of opponents. Your reporter's vertigo has wiped quite a bit from the memory banks but thanks to Jeff Betty and Les we have most of the scores in:-

Pitch 1 (Reffed by Les Meldrew)

Green v Orange

Green v Purple

Green 1 (Barry) v 1 Pink (Phil)

Black 2 (Lord R, Enoch) v 1 Pink (Phil)

Pitch 2 (Reffed by Jeff – who also played when Geoff P got injured)

Yellow 0 v 0 Black

Orange 0 v 0 Pink

Orange 2 (Daz 2) v 0 Black

Orange 0 v 1 Blue (Steve)

Pitch 3 (Reffed by Les Lomax)

Pink 0 v 1 Blue (Steve)

Black 0 v 1 Blue (Steve)

Pink 0 v 1 Blue (Steve )

Yellow 0 v 0 Purple

What I can remember from my own games is that Blacks v Orange should have finished 0-0 but if I keep giving the ball to Daz or turning my back when he shoots the inevitable will happen. Black losing 1 -0 to Steve was due to Black not playing to the whistle; as Les rightly reminded us! The last game Black went 1-0 down when Phil was through on goal on his own. Lord R got the equaliser with a shout which would have been heard by even Denton Greens deafest resident and the winner was scored by Enoch

Congrats to Clint (aka Steve) who – as you will see – netted in all 4 games.

Moving on to Wednesday we have – thanks to Jeff – all the scores and even a league table as the pics at the end of this blog will show.With Lord R and Chopper refereeing this gave budding newshawk Jeff time to post the following breathless report: -

Pitch 1

Green 0 v White 0 - Two evenly matched teams who cancelled each other out.

Reds 1 v White 0. Reds improved from their first game but couldn’t find a goal until late on with white having some good chances Haggis was unable to find the net after being put through by Les whose pass was perhaps a tad too strong. Reds had a couple of chances but Tom (D) in goal was too alert to be beaten saving with his foot from one shot. Gareth tried his luck with a great shot for Red but was unlucky when it rattled the post and came out. Joe ghosted a square pass to Tom but his shot with just the keeper to beat was straight at him. Robin produced a great shot which was brilliantly saved by Haggis tipping it onto the post Finally Eamon broke the deadlock with a well placed shot making the final score 1 nil to Reds.

Game 3 Red 5 v 0 Green Some good football was played by both teams but eventually Green collapsed (maybe from fatigue) leaving Red to win. Two goals late on meant the final result didn’t really do Green justice.

Pitch 2

The strong Blue team proved unbeatable scoring 4 goals in each of their games and paying some attractive football with clinical finishing. Steve C got a hat trick and 5 on the night. Kenny made his mark with 4 and Daz helping himself to a brace and Phil scoring the other. Michelle and Deggs replied for Green and Eamon for Reds but their efforts weren’t enough to stop the rampant Blue from finishing League Leaders

And finally an alternative viewpoint from the Gaelic Times’Walking Football Correspondent: -

“And so, to last night! Great to see Daz back playing! Good banter all over the pitch apart from one time when the git dummies me and the ball was trickling into the net but I got back and cleared it! Phew pride intact then I look back and see him and Kenny cackling like a pair of Hyenas at me! Eejits the pair of them! And so, to the other pitch where to celebrate Tom Daley’s return to competition diving we had Andy Enoch Powell and Nice Les having a dive off! Citeh Jeff (good to see you) and Geoff Prout awarded a measly 1.8 and 1.6 to both attempts! Enoch's effort did leave blood on the pitch which may lead to the complex being closed for deep cleaning! Someone did say while he was lying there seeping blood that we should put cones around him and play on! Can’t think who it was! Simon enjoyed his first visit. Scored a goal too. But was heard to mutter 'Walking Football my arse'. Can’t think what he meant!”

Monday Teams

Neon (or was it Green?) Mick M, Kenny, Margaret, Barry and Roger

Black - Little John, Andy Man(anger), Enoch, Lord R and Eileen

Orange - Daz, Grav, Geoff P, Mark NR and Michelle Monday

Purple - Tom D, Amazon Prime, Chopper, Haggis, Andy Zac and Donal

Pink - Eamon, Cockney Rebel, Phil Moss, Chris Willo and Kirsty

Sky - Tony Snakehips, Paul Jennings, Harry the Hatchet, Mika and Clint