Lose Control*

A strong breeze gusted around Ruskin Sports Village on Monday morning to remind all present that there are some elements that we can never control Like a stray pass knocked into space or a weak pass across the area some things just defy common sense and reason

The influx of 38 members primed and ready to strut their funky stuff was heartening to the hierarchy and Treasurer Meldrew in particular after the recent celebratory outlay His enforced exile (Tax reasons?) now well and truly over he rubbed his hands together with his customary demonic powers

All those people and not one photograph to show for it, mused Editor Lunchtime O’Booze

So instead you’re invited to use that imagination and picture the following teams lining up to, sucking stomachs in and thrusting chests out

Neon/Lime (but not yellow) - Andy Man, Jill Tomo, Barry Wizz, Mike Thomo, Lord Rainford and Snakehips

Black - McSpeed, Eamon, Michelle Monday, Phil the Power, Phil the Moss and PaulF

Pink - Tom Stretch, Julie, Wickie, Ste Honeyman, Mike and Meldrew

Sky - Citeh Geoff, Triallist, Liz, Colin, Glen and Ashy

Yellow - StevJones, Mark NR, Tony W, Harry the Hatchet, Eileen, Haggis and Geoff P

Purple - Donal, Cockney Rebel, Kirsty, Chopper and Roger

The gusty conditions was countered with the eminently sensible policy of enforced turn round after 15 minutes

In the matches we understand that Purple and Sky played out an honourable draw with Donald’s Purple goal matched by a strike from Liz 1-1 the verdict We heard that Yellow (the proper colour) blasted seven (yes 7) past Purple At least Cockney Rebel, Donal and Mike hit the net in reply No news of the seven (yes 7) scored by Yellow

Black and Neon served up a close fought 1-1 draw Eamon took full advantage of a mis-hit back, that wizzed past bemused team mates to present our Vice with a chance he tucked away Barry wizzed in to level the game and despite mounting pressure Black couldn’t find the goal their possession merited 1-1 the final score

Neon next encountered Pink with an early Tom Stretch finish to pile pressure on the Neon/Lime back line Andy and Jill Tomo took a firm grip on the midfield battle and were rewarded with Tomo and Barry goals to fire Neon 2-1 ahead We were treated with a fabled Sussex Sweep as Lord Rainford found the outside of his right foot to curl a sublime shot in to the far corner for 3-1 Mike added a fourth goal early 8n the second half The Honeyman did claim Pink’s second but it ended with Neon claiming the spoils 4-2 the result

We do have some action shots from the games courtesy of Phil the Cat, practicing for a spell on the sidelines with his shoulder gah suffered last week Our thanks for his contribution

And that’s it dear reader As live reportage is concerned this Monday offering is a bit of a dog’s dinner We remain optimistic that normal service will be resumed soon And after all we only play for fun it’s not like anyone’s keeping score (quite literally it seems)

Onwards and upwards

The midweek action was fast(ish) but thankfully not furious though some passages of play might have tested the patience of a saint In overall terms our passing has become ragged and inaccurate, just too wasteful at times The malaise is shared around it’s not that one individual has hit a lean spell of form We need to possibly slow everything down and think more about execution At present many times what is a promising situation becomes an invitation for the opposition to take advantage because a simple pass is ignored or mis-placed

There were 28 players declared for the sandy expanse of the Sutton SoccerDome 3G with the late withdrawal of Roger Moore and press-ganging of O’Hooligan from Ref to Player

The teams selected after a tricky time in the bib department were;

Neon - Honeyman, Gonzalo, Benno, Eamon, Midweek Michelle, Phil the Power and Citeh Geoff

Blue - Ian H, Joe the Ghost, Darron, Haggis, Subbuteo Dave, Lord Rainford and Deano

White - Grav, Neil Stretch, Eileen, Les H, Steve Smith, Peter T and Tom Derby

Orange - Cockney Rebel, Jason, Andy Man, Steve Carine, Meldrew, Chris 4G and Robin

Orange faced White in the opening game a back and forth encounter that either side might have won Steve Smith finally put White ahead Orange with plenty of possession and chances stayed in the match but wasted numerous chances to draw level Inevitably the pressure on the White goal was relieved when a long clearance fell into the path of Grav who cooly picked his spot to fire the deciding goal 2-0 Orange the architects of their own downfall White outgunned throughout but winners by taking their chances

Meanwhile Neon were taking Blue apart with Gonzalo, Eamon and Citeh Geoff all clawing braces in a comprehensive 6-0 demolition Citeh Geoff celebrated a superb goal with a half-volley from a corner delivered on a plate by Phil the Power Blue struggled to match Neon’s crisp passing Drastic repair work necessary for their next match?

That next match against Orange saw an odd tactical switch with Joe the Ghost inexplicably moved into the Beckenbaur role sweeping behind Darron and Lord Rainford The ploy whether by design or sheer luck seemed to pay off as Blue’s leaky defence held off Orange Goals by Darron and Deano ensured Blue won an unexpected victory 2-0 and in truth well deserved Orange at times too eager to take shooting chances Blue clinical with the meagre chances created

White and Neon rounded off the night’s action with another tight game

White, thanks to a smart shot from Steve Smith and typical Grav effort held a narrow lead 2-1 advantage with moments left Eamon had earlier given Neon some hope But as time ran down it was a Gonzalo equalising effort that delivered parity and settled nerves 2-2 the final verdict

The Boot Room chatter, serene and calm with no Disco Deggs to bamboozle the crowd, was focused on adding extra ammunition to the Club’s social activity The Cockney Rebel will announce plans in due course watch this space

We did promise to report on Haggis’s recent tournament in the George Best Community Cup in Belfast Haggis was picked to represent a multi disability team from Skelmersdale

Over 2 days he took part in a competition with 73 other teams. Some of you may not be aware of the story of Haggis, essentially he’s learnt to play football through SHWFC He’s a testimony to that patience and opportunity He’s able to enjoy the game despite his condition

When Haggis was born he was told he would never walk or talk To have reached this point is a testament to perseverance and determination The event was played in extremely warm conditions and Haggis had coped well In addition to the Competition games he also had to endure an initiation ritual with his coach. In the competition itself, divisioning places all 73 teams split out into abilities, it’s a similar concept to paralympic events

During these group games the team excelled winning 5 from 5 Haggis didn’t make scoresheet as he was having to play a deeper role (yes he didn’t stay up top). Into the knock out stages, quarter finals and there was a moment of controversy.

If you’ve ever seen the Ringer with Jonny Knoxville or have heard about the Spanish basketball team in the Sydney Paralympics then you’ll know about this form of ‘gamesmanship’ Essentially a certain player from a higher division ultimately left his team to instead play for Haggis’s’ quarter final opponents. Undaunted the team performed admirably and battled into injury time at 2 each, only losing to a dramatic late winner.

Despite the controversy Haggis performed well, behaved impeccably, enjoyed himself and has lots more stories available for anyone who would love to learn more.

Take a moment to reflect on that achievement We acknowledge Haggis’s accomplishments proud that we’ve been able to support this remarkable young man and the joy his play brings to the Club

*Lose Control - Teddy Swims