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Writer's pictureSt Helens Walking Football

The Killing Moon*

Storm Agnes? As most of us know the wrong type of leaves and a few drops of rain constitute catastrophe for the Home Counties but hell we're rough tough Northerners (even Lord Rainford by service t'cause) we are not going to bothered by the threat of headline grabbing weather forecasters doom and gloom mongering Our midweek meander was going ahead come what may The Sutton SoccerDome was subjected to a gentle deluge as we exited the building's shelter and made our way to the AstroTurf Hordes of youngsters were forced to abandon their weekly ritual of extending their playing time at our expense As the kids disappeared so the battled hardened elite of SHWFC reached the playing area to a cessation of the rain and wind God had spoken - the hour ahead was dry and perfectly suited for elderly playing enjoyment


The Studio above Reception at the SoccerDome has witnessed many incidents over the years but seldom has there been a short fashion demonstration with El Presidente rolling back the years and the sales banter to demonstrate the latest wheeze from Official Club Garment Partners....Gamma Garments Those of you of a certain vintage will recall the name from flickering memories and TVs from the 60s golden era of British light entertainment Without Googling I wonder how many can remember?


The Club is keen to equip as many members as possible with Clubwear featuring our Badge El Presidente a former Sales & Marketing honcho is of course merely the conduit and save for the offshore account makes no benefit other than the satisfaction of spreading the word


And so let the games commence As members attempted the tricky manoeuvre of forming just one line a glorious site fell across the scene An eerie light emanating from the Clockface area marked the selection process It was a glorious almost full moon, which possibly explained the mysterious non-appearance of the Huyton Hitman More of that later


The teams were;

White - Wickie, Paul Porter, Joe the Ghost, Steve Carine, Les Meldrew and Eamon


Yellow - Citeh Geoff, Kenny, Michelle Wednesday, Jim Murphy, Deano and Grav


Blue - Martin Mc, Andy Man, Enoch, Muller, Eileen and Chris 10P


Green - Gonzalo, Barry Wizz, Sherlock, Haggis, Keith and Darron



As part of an ongoing Executive experiment in addition to Referees Chopper and El Pres' two Executives were assigned the task of spotting off the ball running or 'grassing up' offenders as some wag declared Phil the Power and Lord Rainford were the appointed quislings and a very fine job they made of it too


The first game to fall under the watchful gaze of El Presidente and supergrass Lord Rainford featured Blue and Green and started with an emphatic strike by Gonzalo to give Green the early advantage Keith added a second goal within 4 minutes, the goal owed much to Gonzalo reading a poor pass out by the Blue defenders 2-0 ln double quick time it was soon 3 when Gonzalo picked off another loose clearance to feed Haggis, who showed great composure to steer home Blue were being out-thought and out-played around the park Chris 10P sensed the need to step up to meet the task, firstly shooting narrowly wide before finding too much power to drill past Sherlock to make it 3-1

Minutes later Blue reduced the arrears further when Chris 10P drove a low shot in bottom corner 3-2, could Blue force a leveller that had seemed out of reach throughout? Green's organisation ensured that they were able to hold off the Blue fight back Time ran out with Green back on top passing the ball around to dominate possession in the last moments

Elsewhere Yellow had too much power for White winning a tighter match than the score might hint 3 -0 Sadly power-mad Chopper was too busy stamping his authority on proceedings to remember who found the net

In Round 2 Chopper commented about the passing on show in the game between Yellow and Blue The game ended all square one goal apiece God alone knows who scored the goals They at least have the satisfaction of knowing we will learn in good time I'm certain

Phil the Power was the helpful assistant in Round One, with Lord Rainford switching to assist the Haydock (by way of Clockface) Troubadour

The Round 2 game between White and Green also included an early goal with Joe the Ghost finding space to beat Sherlock from close range There was an unfortunate injury soon after when Steve Carine chased a heavy through ball only to pull up in agony clutching his hamstring After an extensive delay with Phil the Power administering primary first aid Steve had to sit out the night's remaining time White a man down with tough games ahead After a period of Alamo-like pressure Darron eventually drew the Green back level Gonzalo put Green in front only for White to claim a soft goal to make it 2-2 Keith settled the game with a strike that Joe couldn't keep out 3-2 to Green Great effort from White especially after being reduced to 5 players


Green were 2-0 winners in their final game, withstanding the loss of Barry Wizz for 2 minutes on Chopper's naughty step, to beat Yellow Goals by Gonzalo and a cracking goal by Haggis enough to claim an unbeaten record for the night A word for Haggis who had a difficult night adjusting his vision to accommodate to the floodlights That second goal was a calm dispatch that anyone would have delighted to claim Barry was undone by the very obvious temptation of jogging throughout Walking is defined as straight front leg extending and in sharp contrast Barry prefers tiny steps with his knees bent, which is a giveaway sign of foul play

The night's final game witnessed Blue blow the White away with a 4-1 result thanks to goals by Enoch, Muller and brace by Chris10P Paul Porter hit a deserved consolation for White Blue on top because they punished any mistake by their opponents


The games ended and all agreed it was a curious weather feat The Moon winning the battle over Storm Agnes A dry end to the night that could have been so much worse

The experiment to use the services of assistants to help our Referees was deemed a measured success and worth further experiment We need to acknowledge that we do have some players who ignore the encouragement to walk They will be dealt with, as will those ignoring the tackling from behind or side

The WFA are launching a new initiative 'That's Not Walking' to deal with running There's a growing pressure to eradicate running from all Walking Football Whilst we are not blindly following the WFA sometimes bewildering actions, this is one issue that we would heartily support


The Killing Moon* - Echo And The Bunnymen

Dedicated to our Huyton Hitman who missed the night's action due to issues with his breathing following a day working in close proximity to petrol fumes (or possibly glue sniffing)




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