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Sutton Water Blues* (with apologies to Bessie Smith)

Updated: Aug 2, 2023

When it rains five days and the skies turn dark as night

When it rains five days and the skies turn dark as night

There still walkin’ football takin' place at Sutton tonight


I suppose in the 8 and a half years of SHWFC’s illustrious history we MIGHT have had a wetter Walking Football session than took place at Sutton this Wednesday. But I doubt it.


Your scribe splashed through the car park wondering whether anyone else would turn up at all. Shame on his scepticism which nearly rivalled that of Doubting Thomas in the Bible. All together 22 players turned up, not to mention 2 Refs (Jeff Betty and Lord Rainford) and 1 spectator/ball retriever, the indomitable (and umbrella-equipped) Geoff Prout.


With most people’s valuables safely locked up in the changing rooms (why are there no lights? Is this another Council cut?) we split into 1 game of 6 v 6 and another game of 5 v 5.


Sadly, Lord R’s phone was let down by the weather and he only has a picture of the Neon he reffed. What happened to the picture of the Sky? Who knows?Perhaps, trillions of light years away, it has appeared on the screen of some alien life form’s communication devices, provoking the reaction “2lkn hoih ioh wdwdw wpo. Wwpw po onw nwn tao 2[72H39291. wnt ?” [By the way, that’s Zog for “What the f*** is that? Hey Commander, based on this evidence, let’s give Planet Earth a swerve, eh?”]


Where was I? Oh, yes. The Neons lining up were Andy Manager, Joe the Ghost, Enoch, Darron, Harry the Hatchet and Steve C.


Facing them in Sky, their drenched visages forever lost to posterity were Kenny, Eileen, Chris 10P, Little John, Nigel and Chris Willo


[I am hoping by the time this Blog reaches you we will also have full names and pics for the other 5 v 5 game reffed by Jeff Betty] - Sadly this profecy failed


Sky v Neon was a very even game. Sky were perhaps on top at the start, but Neon kept fighting back and with some better finishing (and more luck) it might have been even closer. By half time Sky were 4-2 in front with Chris 10P, Kenny and Little John on the scoresheet. Darron and Steve were the ones whose goals kept Neon within reach.


One of the Neon problems was that defensively they forgot the best tactic is to stay wide for a pass from the keeper. Harry the Hatchet often had little choice but to play it down the middle with, on occasions unfortunate consequences. I kept quiet though as coaching from the Referee often offends…...(Editor note Just tell them)


Anyway, half time and it was only then that I realised the game was 6 v 6 and not 5 v 5 which led to justifiably concerned expressions on some players faces who probably wondered what else their Referee was missing 😊.


The second half was much as before. A mix up at the back let Chris 10P increase Sky lead. But from being 3 goals down Neon fought back to narrow the gap to just one, with Joe the Ghost grabbing a goal his general play deserved. Pass and move all match, it was impressive stuff. However, at 5-4 up Sky re-asserted themselves and put the match out of reach with Kenny getting his hat trick and Chris 10P and Little John finishing with 2 apiece. There was just time for Joe the Ghost in to claim his second with the last kick of an excellent display of Walking Football with the score being 7-5 to Sky


Elsewhere in monsoon conditions Jeff Betty took charge of another high scoring game with White over-powering Reds 9-6, although this too, was very even until the last 10 minutes. This was reported as being just as enjoyable as the 6 v 6 and the highlights I’ve heard about were: -


Michelle (succeeding in her attempts to make an appearance in the Blog every week 😊) with a fine one-handed save – nearly penalised for excessive celebration – and some robust marking of Eamon.


Haggis rediscovering his shooting boots again with 2 goals (are smaller number games his forte ?)


• Hat tricks plus at least 1 more for both Paul (nb not ‘Roger’) and Phil the Power


• A rare and welcome entry onto the scoresheets for both Les Meldrew and Tony’Snakehips’ Byrne


And so, it ended, with the corridors of Sutton Leisure Centre echoing to the sound of squelching footwear from our brave but happy - Walking Footballers.

Let’s do it again soon.


Medical Bulletin update


Members will delighted to hear that our brave penalty-stopping Dick Kerr Cup ‘keeper Anita has had another plaster put on her wrist, see picture. For some reason she seems very happy with the colour, and hopes to see us all again soon.


Back Water Blues* – Bessie Smith

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Rated 5 out of 5 stars.

Excellent blog once more capturing the conditions to a tee, well done sir

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