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Bits and Pieces*

A wet prospect deterred just a few of our members, who weren't injured, holidaying or otherwise engaged Ruskin's Arcoframe Arena looked in pristine condition despite the busy programme of activity over the weekend 29 players warmed to the gentle lash of rain hitting the arena's main stand Yes it's Monday morning again

The Club were honoured by the appearance of WFA National Cup Referee Les Lomax, who asked if he could keep his 'eye in' by officiating in some of the morning's action With Chairman and Secretary unavailable to 'mess up' the matches it fell to Jeff Betty Birchall and Les the Ref to take charge of the session's real action Once Les Meldrew had fleeced members and Andy Man(anger) had warmed the remains Tom Darby made a token appearance as honourable spectator only to be press ganged into becoming wayward shot retriever and ball boy unpaid

Team selections were

Pink - Mika, Grazer Clark, Mark No Relation, Eileen, Kenny, Eamon and Mike Maguire

Black - Haggis, Margaret, Geoff Prout, Wickie, Charlie, Gaz, Clint and Tony Snakehips

Red - Tom Stretch, Phil Moss, Little John, Enoch, Michelle Berry, Barry and Paul Jennings

Orange - Chopper, Gonzalo, Amazon Prime, Roger Moore, Phil the Power, Andy Man(anger) and Victor Meldrew

Three teams of 7 plus one of 8

With Boots the Chemist now barring all SHWFC personnel from developing their snaps we are unable to offer tangible evidence for the casual readers pleasure (or otherwise) We do have forensically unreliable reports of the game results and scorers provided by the WFA Home for disturbed Referees, though some questions remain unanswered

Pitch A kicked off proceedings with a lusty 2-0 victory for the zesty Orange who pipped the Black thanks to Gonzalo grabbing a brace of goals to commence his week's plunder

Pitch B meanwhile featured a similar score line with Red too flush for the paler skinned compatriots Pink Barry and Tom Stretch netting in the 2-0 result

In Round Two on Pitch A - do try to keep up I will be asking questions at the end

Tom Stretch and Michelle Berry, with an absolute worldy, were on target as Ted tonked Black 3-0 There was some discussion as to the final goal scorer Barry confusing even himself in the process But eventually Mike Maguire claimed the third though he added that he thought his effort had been ruled out by the Referee Much later it was confirmed that 'goal' was ruled out for running So 2-0 and Black only semi-tonked after all Elsewhere There were goals galore as Orange squashed Pink 4-2 to spare their blushes Gonzalo grabbed another pair, Amazon was first for delivery and Les for Orange whilst Kenny and Mark did spare at least some of the blushes in reply

Round Three was a much tighter affair on Pitch A as Red dug deepest to derail the Orange The narrowest of games settled by a solitary strike by Barry 1-0 Red crushing the Orange just before the marching season got fully underway (ask any Irish mate for the significance of that)

Pink compounded a miserable morning results-wise for the Black a single goal from Eamon sealing a forgettable round of matches Black looks all round then

Pink sometime hatchet man and oft times keeper Dave Grazer Clark produced some remarkable saves during the course of his morning's work Struck twice in the nether regions he was left counting his 'bits and pieces' on a yet another Ruskin Monday morning

Les the Ref enjoyed his missionary visit to Ruskin and has asked if he'd be welcomed back? Of course dear boy was the firm reply He was treated to some sumptuous Slipper Session hospitality and seemed to fit in quite quickly SHWFC is of course the home of bonhomie and good cheer Some of the crew enjoyed a reminiscence spell delving into the mists of other times with impromptu musical recollections God help us if they ever discovered the demon drink joked one of their number

Another cheery end to a marvellous morning's Walking Football

Bits And Pieces* - Dave Clark Five (the real one not Grazer of course)

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