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Updated: Mar 27, 2023

There’s something faintly familiar about our twice weekly Blogs formula So in an effort, dear readers, to invoke a more interesting and unpredictable outcome and ensure you’re enthused and entertained after this week we are going off-piste to look at other aspects of this wonderful Club we call SHWFC

But fear not if you want to see your name in lights or prove to the other half that you are really playing football, some aspects will be preserved

As this weeks photos will prove

Monday morning and in fine Spring-like conditions 40 players took the chance to shake the weekend’s excesses from our sprightly bodies

Team selection and bib dispensary duties completed Andy Man(anger) gave those assembled a brief but vigorous warm up to prepare for play

The sides selected were;

Pink - Joe the Ghost, Amazon Prime, Enoch, Thatto Dave, Sheila, Andy Man(anger) and Mika

Black - Willo, Norman, Steve Honeyman, Andy Knowles, Tom Derby, Les and Eamon

Orange - Tony Kenny, Charlie, Jill Thomo, Kirsty, Citeh Geoff, Paul Jennings

Green - Walter, Cockney Rebel, Lord Rainford, Anita, Gonzalo, Robin and Wicky

Sky - Triallist, Phil Moss, Tony Snakehips, Haggis, Jeff Ches’, Ralph (El Presidente)

Purple - Tom Stretch, Chris K, Daz, Gaz, Graham and Goldie

In Round 1 Sky played a strong Orange team with an extra player to further handicap their best efforts After an early intervention to adjust the line ups, Phil Moss (subject of a player swap with Little John) slotted home to bring about a further ‘strengthening?’ for Sky Enter El Presidente to take up goalkeeping duties, convinced Sky hadn’t suffered enough punishment so far For a time the switch seemed to work but Sky’s ability to self destruct brought about Orange squashing come back hopes Phil Moss shooting across the plucky Presidente to seal the win 2-0

Elsewhere Sheila found the score sheet to steer Pink to a 1-0 win against Black and Gonzalo fired Green to a 1-0 win in their match with Purple

In the Second Round meddling maniac El Pres’ secured Gonzalo in a swap deal with Haggis heading in the other direction The game was delayed when Anita clashed with Ralph in a midfield 50:50 Medical attention was lavished upon our First Lady who eventually resumed Cockney Rebel had thoughtfully removed residual black rubber pellets from her eyes whilst the knee in question was soothed back to fitness The game resumed with Sky enacting a prolonged period on top Gonzalo arch poacher struck in the final minute sportingly putting the ball in the corner that Anita had no chance of reaching 1-0 the result that Sky deserved for their overall control

Black and Purple played a close fought thriller (it says here) with Tom Derby hitting Black’s solitary reply Gaz and Goldie finding the net for the Purple In the remaining tie Joe ghosted a shot from wide right to secure a Pink victory at Orange’s expense

In Round Three in the surprise reversal of the Round Two player swap Gonzalo returned to Green(er pastures) with Cockney Rebel spotting his chance to ‘do a Chelski’ (buy everyone who can kick a ball in the window) Sky with El Pres’ now having completed his punishment, moved quickly to sign the dictator on a permanent loan as keeper, were faced by a perky Pink side hell bent on making Sky ‘ave it’!

Our Hero displayed an uncanny knack of getting in the way to keep Sky in the contest but was powerless to prevent Thatto Dave and then the deadly Sheila scoring in a 2-0 Pink power show

One save from Andy Man(anger) was applauded by all (jammy git is a form of applause right) But 2-0 the outcome

Black blew away Green with Steve Honeyman 2, happily showing no ill effects from his attempted lobotomy last week and Eamon securing a 3-0 win There would appear to be no goals in the Orange v Purple game (but rest assured some wag will claim goals though these may have been overlooked by the Ref

In the final segment of games Sky’s lack of fire power proved a decisive factor, losing by a solitary late goal from the Honeyman Another string of saves by our modest Fuhrer kept Sky in the hunt but there was no goal threat and Black claimed a 1-0 win to round off their morning

Orange and Green couldn’t be separated with neither side troubling Stato The final game was described by Referee Chopper Williams as a ‘proper testy’ game 2-2 the result with Thatto Dave converting a penalty and Sheila again on target But Daz and Chris Kelsall were scorers too 2-2 and plenty competitive for all comers

Wednesday’s Sutton session was another record breaking midweek mega event 42 players splitting their loyalties between the scantily clad indoor SoccerDome and the hardy annuals outside on the AstroTurf tundra

Indoors football has become so popular that Victor is now operating a shut off policy It remains to be seen just how popular it will be when the temperature is pushing ‘fried’ Wednesday’s shut off was necessary at lunchtime In the outdoor session Referees Jeff Betty and El Presidente quickly decided on a 2 pitch approach with 4 teams of 6 warmed, stretched, selected and photographed in quick order

Indoor sides were;

Lemon - Phil Lynch, Kenny Nolan (impressive debutant) Wickie, Les, Andy Man(anger) and Dave Bates

Red - Ray, Neil coach, Steve Carine Grav’, Citeh Geoff and Frank Carson

White - Steve Honeyman, Lee Thomo, Norman, Enoch, Gonzalo and Robbie

There was a 2-0 winning start for Lemon debutant Kenny Nolan thanks to goals by Phil Doyle and Andy Man(anger) in the opener against Red but White eclipsed Lemon in Game Two with Gonzalo firing a brace in their 2-0 victory White prevailed in a close encounter with Red thanks to the Honeyman 1-0 But Red bounced to back to win the return 1-0 with Ray on target Norman was caught spellbound by a Grav’ nutmeg whilst Dave Bates found the net (quire literally) rolling helplessly into the onion bag Special mention for Lee Thomo’ who had a terrific night and was at heart of his team’s performance Frank Carson Steve Carine & Phil Lynch continue to settle into the game and all seem to be enjoying the challenge

So a quiet night really then, enjoyed by all for certain!

The weather was chilly but dry and calm outside with near perfect February conditions

The teams selected were;

Blue - Darron, Lord Rainford, Willo, Tom Derby, Neil Sims and Joe the Ghost

Yellow - Rod Steiger, Steve Alker (on debut), Eamon, Nigel and Haggis

Orange - Mike Ox, Deggs, Michelle, Tom Stretch, Thatto Dave and Phil Doyle

Green - Deano, Cockney Rebel, Chris 4G, Jill Thomo, Martin Mc and Harry the Hatchet

Play underway with Green lining up against Blue whilst Orange played Yellow on the adjacent pitch The six a side format seemed to inspire all as both sides swept the ball around with growing confidence There was some good defensive interventions in evidence One regular complaint that we sometimes struggle with was thankfully addressed with communication, with and without possession a feature of the night The first real opportunity to score was just inches off the mark with Cockney Rebel firing narrowly wide After 10 minutes the stalemate was finally broken when Deano found space gifted by a poor pass out 1-0 to Green

Clearly rattled by this Blue applied a squeeze on the Green goal Darron and then Lord Rainford tested the keeper before Tom Derby squeezed an effort in off the far post to make it 1-1 It was just reward for in truth neither side deserved to lose 1-1 It was a similar story and score on Pitch 2 where goals by Mike Ox for Orange and Eamon for Yellow marked a fine passage of games in the first series

Things did ease a little in the second series Yellow faced Blue in a very tight affair that included a cheeky Yellow free kick swiftly taken by Blue’s ennobled one Both sides revelled with the freedom of space Nigel unleashed a howitzer but found the side netting But the game was settled by an excellent finish by Haggis who took his time to finish having latched onto a fine through ball 1-0 to Yellow Joe spurned chances for Blue his last effort hitting a post before his second chance was inadvertently cleared by the ghostly one for a sideline restart

Plenty of goals for the other game Deggs at his mesmerising ‘best’ claiming a brace the second a spot kick taken inches from the goal line (or so his opponents claimed)

In the last action of the night Blues succumbed to an Orange parade (well Eamon, Donal & I get that) of goals The game was evenly matched but Tom Stretch was initially robbed of an opener when the Ref and part time dictator blew to award a foul in his favour before he fired home In pure comedic terms the resultant wasted free kick was a huge relief for Blue and hard luck for Orange Undeterred Thatto Dave pounced to fire a wicked shot that deflected off Darron to wrong foot keeper Willo Rough justice avenged? There was a strong claim that Mr Thatto might have run onto the shot but to no avail 1-0 to the wee Orangemen

Joe ghosted onto to poke past the Orange goalie 1-1 Play went through a passage of superb football End to end, attack and defend Excellent fare for the capacity crowd of watching wildlife Deggs reverted to his usual form firing high, then wide and then finally hopeless Still 1-1 and time rapidly ebbing away Mike Ox settled the outcome squeezing an effort into the bottom left hand corner 2-1 to Orange The final goal followed a spot of ball watching when the impressive Ox picked off a dithering defender to make it 3-1 to Orange Great contest and the score line slightly flattering but its goals that count The Green v Yellow organic Derby produced the same emphatic score Cockney Rebel with 2 including a penalty that he claims was taken just inside his opponent’s half Jill Thomo grabbed a well deserved goal to cap a good night’s work Haggis claimed the Yellow consolation 3-1 all round then to conclude the entertainment

It’s so easy to talk about goals and near misses but it was a night that showcased the collective talent on display Communication passing movement loads of banter encouragement and plenty to get enthusiastic about A joy to referee (though some might disagree - well it’s my ball)

The post match media circus that is the famous Boot Room session waxed lyrically with tales of the night

A date for diaries - Filofax too

FRIDAY 15th December Boot Room Christmas get together where all players can unwind and enjoy gentle good humour and the occasional alcoholic beverage in the company of fellow members

Alternate Title* - The Monkees

The song was originally called Randy Scouse Git* no further comment required

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