A Message To You Roby*

Biblical scholars have recently unearthed a hitherto undiscovered letter from St Paul. Unlike most of his scrawlings, directed at various peoples and settlements in the Middle East, this appears to have been directed at a group of people rather nearer to the….err….stamping ground (no implication of foul play intended) of St Helens WFC.

So, St Paul's Letter to the Huytonians. What does it say? Well several things that I think all walking football players can learn from.

1. To the players of walking football amongst you. Peace be upon ye; and have you paid your £10 annual membership fee yet?

2. Wherefore our masters (the WFA) have commanded us, keepeth at least one foot on the floor, or thou shalt be penalised for running.

3. And forgetteth not those that are less skilled or more decrepit than thou, for it will come to pass that the sands of time willst run out for thee too; so clattereth them not.

4. Heedeth the whistle and words of thy referee; for she/he commandeth thy actions; and will pass judgement upon ye.

5. And if I were you, visiteth not the Oak Tree, Swan or Seel Arms. Particularly not on a Friday night. No good will come of it.

Sadly, I have to report two of our Huytonians, K*r*t* S*o*k*o* and D*g*y T*y*o* may not have heeded these wise words at one point in Monday’s proceedings at Ruskin; with what is politely referred to as a 'coming together'. An item discussed at length afterwards over coffee and cake. The cake was courtesy of Derek, whose 60th birthday it was at the weekend, keeping a tradition started earlier this year by Dave Clark, who we hope to welcome back - at least as a spectator - soon. And, as one of the initial founders of SHWFC, it's good to see Derek still going strong as a much appreciated member of the club; long may this continue.

Another magnificent turnout at Ruskin saw us divided into 4 teams of 7. Pics attached, but the line ups, after Andy Mann's warm up (it's Autumn, so it WAS a warm up!!) and Les's no nonsense team selections, were as follows:-

Pinks: Jill, Liz, Disco Deggs, Tom 'Stretch' Parr, Steve the Honeyman, Dave Seagull and Cockney Rebel.

Orange: Tom D, Anita, Little John, Les Meldrew, Norman, Eamonn and Tony 'Snakehips' Byrne.

Yellow: Phil the Power, Thatto Heath Dave, Julie, Mags, MikeA, Chris and Lord Rainford.

Purple: Andy Mann, Tony K, Sheila, Donal, John Pidgeon, Charlie and Kirsty

The bare facts of this morning's matches were as follows:-

Match One Pink 1 v Orange 0 (Scorer: Steve H)

Yellow 1 v Purple 0 (Scorer: Phil the P.)

Match Two Purple 1 v Orange 0 (Scorer: Donal)

Pink 1 v Yellow 0 (Scorer: Jill)

Match Three Orange 2 v Yellow 2 (Orange scorers: John P & Tom D, Yellow Scorers: Thatto Dave (2))

Purple 0 Pink 1 (Scorer: Steve H)

So here are some points of note:-

How tight were all of those games? Any of them could have gone either way, but well done Pinks for their stats and riding their luck at times to come out on top. And commiserations to Orange, who played much better than that table implies.

For the Purples, honourable mentions were made for Charlie' s overall performance, and to both he and Sheila for brave goalkeeping.

Had the yellows taken their chances, or Andy Mann not stayed in Purple's goal for so long in that first game, it would have been far more than 1-0.

Tut, tut, to the birthday boy Degsy for kicking off match two before the ref was ready and scoring whilst Julie was still setting up in nets. A goal deservedly chalked off

Lord Rainford was grateful for Thatto Dave for sparing his blushes twice in the last game. A poor pass put his team 1-0 down; then he missed a sitter which would have made it 2-2.

The modest comments of Norman, thinking that defenders shouldn't get star billing. Of course they should Norman, of course they should!

The aforementioned clash of the Huytonians, reverberating across the morning.

And, last but not least; the excellent refereeing by Jeff B and Martin 'Chopper' Williams (and his stick) giving us all an hour of very enjoyable walking football and 6 very close games. Great stuff!!

(* O.K. Rudy; but who's arguing? Dandy Livingstone/The Specials)