The Wrong Spot*

There was an alarming incident during Monday morning’s session at Ruskin Sports Village, a departure from the recent happenings that have blighted our week opening sessions of late No inclement weather, no car park gate ‘gate’, nor ‘no entry’ problem but for one of our most celebrated members (Secretary no less) a worrying development

With play underway Lord Rainford went rather off piste mistaking the ball (3 dimensional spherical object) with the penalty spot (inanimate 2 dimensional round marking on the pitch)

Let’s be fair it’s an easy error to make No

We’ve all made similar errors No

It could happen to anyone - again No

Happily there was a healthy number along to mark the beginning of another fun-packed week Three Referees plus several spectators were there to bear witness to the occasion

Having been relieved of their subs and a brisk warm up the following teams lined up

Purple - Les H, Andy Man, Donal, Mike, debutant Linda and Sheila

Pink - Triallist, Amazon Prime, Haggis, Harry the Hatchet, Phil the Moss and Snakehips

Orange - Margaret, Citeh Geoff, Roy, Bridget, Chopper and Les Meldrew

Sky - Mark NR, McSpeed, El Presidente, Tracey and Steve Honeyman

Black (5) Gonzalo, Joe the Ghost, Little John, Enoch and Willo

Yellow (5) Ashy, Steve Smith, Lord Rainford, Cockney Rebel and Barry Wizz

Jeff Betty reprised his role as Senior Referee with his first game featuring the Sky and Pink playing on the pitch nearest to the grandstand On paper Sky were well-fancied to shine but as we all know Walking Football isn’t played on paper Their approach work and goal threat was expected to be too much for Pink, but Harry the Hatchet was rarely troubled in the Pink goals So Pink soaked up all the pressure and then fired goals by Phil and Snakehips to rock their opponents “All the play but no goals” J Betty was heard to declare Pink good value for their shock 2-0 win and so much for the ‘good on paper’ theory

In their second game Sky set about justifying earlier optimism with a convincing 4 v nil over Purple El Presidente recorded his first goal in two years with the opener from the penalty spot Further goals by McSpeed, The Honeyman and Mark (No Relation to Coach John) Davies reinforced a one-sided score line

Sky were organised and passed with greater accuracy Purple unable to breach the Sky rearguard

On the adjacent pitch Chris Kelsall cut a commanding figure as the morning’s upstart Referee Ona the spot Chris graciously volunteered his services to allow our ‘regular’ referees some valued game time His insider’s eye on the dark arts meant no liberties were permitted or indeed sought Players behaved impeccably though goals were very much at a premium Pink and Orange produced some expansive football but just one goal Big Phil the Moss pipped the Orange to seal the narrowest victory

His other fixture was an even tighter affair with Orange and Purple unable to find the net 0-0 perhaps the fairest result after a toe to toe slogging match

Jill Tomo Thomas took charge of the 5 a side Black v Yellow contest played at the far end of the arena Fresh from representing the North West in the WFA (remember them?)

Regional Championship The winning squad is pictured below

Jill rested an ankle injury but was happy to help out as a stand-in Referee Goals by Joe the Ghost, Gonzalo with a brace and Enoch for Black proved too much for Yellow Lord Rainford did find the net in consolation but then claimed to have dispatched a random penalty spot (see above) but not the actual ball in a baffling moment 4-1 Black too energetic for Yellow, with Little John the epitome of the game

We have enjoyed some excellent games against our good friends from Burnley FC in the Community’s Walking Football group over the past three years Our latest visit to their superb Leisure Box facility at Brierfield on Tuesday was perhaps the most satisfying yet A number of members had to withdraw through illness and injury, so our squad was numerically smaller than ideal but nevertheless produced another great performance

Those involved were

Mike ‘Mike’ Andrews, ‘Little’ John Penders, Andy ‘Enoch’ Powell, Mike ‘McSpeed’ Maguire, Harrison ‘Haggis’ Lovett, Martin ‘Cockney Rebel’ Briggs, Les ‘Meldrew’ Brack, Andy ‘Manager’ Houghton, Dave ‘Amazon’ Prime, Chris ‘Gonzalo’ Fitzpatrick and Tony ‘W’ Whitehead

Our hosts Burnley fielded 4 teams and we split our resources to provide two fairly evenly balanced 5 a side teams Both teams produced some excellent organised teamwork to finish the Round Robin portion of the session as the top two sides In the final match St Helens A beat St Helens B thanks to goals by Gonzalo and Amazon to emerge as event winners As our relationship with the hosts has developed we have ‘loaned’ some players to enable all games to be successfully completed There’s a genuine respect and friendship between the 2 Clubs, games are always played in a sporting manner We share the same ethos of inclusion and sportsmanship We hope to welcome them to play at Ruskin later in the Spring

Well done to all involved As always you’re a credit to SHWFC

Midweek resembled mid-summer (without the high number of murders) as the Spring sun provided near perfect conditions for Walking Football The Sutton SoccerDome glistened in the early evening as members gathered for their midweek Walking Football fix

As we move closer to the real Spring-Summer season, we are reminded that the Innards, are living on borrowed time with the indoor option about to be savagely snatched from the Wednesday breakfast Poll list

Making the most of things were;

Green - Lord Rainford, Peter T, Tom Derby (returning after injury and celebrating with goal too, Triallist and Les H

Blue - Grav, Eamon, Joe the Ghost, Steve Honeyman and Mike Green

We do know with certainty that Green prevailed by 8 goals to 4 Among those netting were Lord Rainford (for it is he) Peter T with a brace and Tom Derby Other Green players may or may not have nabbed a goal but the elderly retainer employed to polish M’Lord’s boots did not take note Grav, Eamon and Joe made the grade for Blue but again the memory isn’t what it once was anymore Other players might have been savagely deprived a glorious goal mention but May’s next time folks

Twenty members graced the AstroTurf wastes assembled at great personal cost in the following teams

Blue - Andy Man, Simon, Helen, Deggs and Little John

Yellow - Dav, Jeff Betty, Ian H, Haggis and Cockney Rebel

Red - Martin Mc, Midweek Michelle, Chris 4G, Steve S and Steve C

White - Darron, Subbuteo Dave, Les Meldrew, Jason and Graham

El Presidente was sole official but we are assured that the games with no recognised referee were played in the spirit of all our games (no honest guv!)

Blue played Yellow in the first round of games and it was an absolute classic with both teams showcasing their teamwork and passing skills Haggis fired Yellow in front after just two minutes Andy caught out at his near post by a smart shot The teams seemed intent on imposing their contrasting styles on their opponents Deggs reverted to his trademark toe-ender to bring the sides level 1-1 Then another swift counter-attack paid off for Blue Simon powered on to a through ball from Andy to put Blue ahead 2-1 In the next passage of play Haggis claimed his second to level 2-2 Next Deggs calmly side-footed a pass from a corner to regain the advantage 3-2 Blue in front Ian Hilton rifled a Yellow equaliser 3-3 no time wasted to strike back Jeff Betty added another for Yellow 4-3 but their lead under real pressure Blue matching their opponents throughout Haggis hit possibly the goal of the night found by a superb pass from Ian 5-3 Could Blue respond again? Deggs hit back for Blue 5-4 with a couple of minutes left, a shot that faded into the far corner of the Yellow net Cockney Rebel extended the Yellow lead to 6-4 a minute from time Time elapsed with Yellow triumphant

Red won a close match with White by three goals to two Steve C, Steve S and Chris 4G were the marksmen with Jason the White knight with a brace of goals not quite enough to save his team from the Red tide however

The Red were rewarded with a trip to face Yellow, the two first round victors facing off for the night’s honours Mark Dav wasted no time (just 46 seconds) to put Yellow in front A great strike after some earlier sighters Yellow doubled their lead with Haggis providing a superb ball for Ian Hilton to tuck away Steve Smith grabbed a lifeline for Red to make it 2-1 Yellow still ahead Steve Carine swooped shortly after for 2-2

Still twenty minutes to play and both sides totally going for the win but the enjoying the game Midweek Michelle claimed the award for comment of the night when she pointed out that a high ball wasn’t over head height as it had hit her chest OK I might have paraphrased her actual remark but it summed up the game in a second Great fun all agreed After a delay for players to regain their feet and cool we were underway soon after

Red were energetic and effectively playing on the front foot Yellow playing a less dynamic game Steve Smith tucked away a good pass to put Red in the lead 3-2 Steve Smith struck again as the scales tipped firmly in the favour of Red 4-2 Some of the passing on display was exquisite On a fast surface the slighest over powered pass can skip away so easily both teams worked tirelessly to stretch the game Yellow slightly less able to match Red Steve Carine fired in after a short corner for 5-2 Yellow struggling to get on top to employ their attacking force Red in command at last With two minutes left on the clock Cockney Rebel claimed Yellow’s third Red restored their cushion when Steve Smith passed the ball into the far corner 6-3 the final score on a night of fabulous football

Plans for the Club’s Tenth Anniversary Celebrations continue with news that the St Helens Star has reproduced a photograph and article about the very first session back in February 2015 We are working on a commemorative programme .that will include many of the photographs and stories that map out the Club’s history The programme will serve an entry ticket to our Party Night at the Percival Suite on Friday 13th June

Advertising in the special edition programme is invited, if you or your business would like to advertise we hope to include messages from our suppliers and supporters to mark the achievement The Programme will be a great souvenir to mark this important milestone

The Wrong Spot* - Julie Foldesi (New York singer songwriter)