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So Many Matches, So Little Time*

Lord Rainford's Butler has accepted the challenge to cram all of SHWFC’s last 3 sessions into one Blog before all memory of various incidents fades altogether. This is because owing to rush of holidays, medicals and what have you, the Blog-writing resources of our illustrious (well I think it is) Club have been rather scarce recently. But thanks to the diligence of our Referees most of the details are to hand and the rest will just be made up. But can you spot the difference, Dear Reader?


The Indian summer meant a hot ‘n’ humid session at Ruskin last Monday, 4th September, featured numbers reflecting we were still in the holiday period. Nevertheless, we could field two teams of 6s and 7s, with Refs Les and Jeff controlling the action. We lined up as follows: -


Orange: Tony Snakehips, Donal, Amazon P, Michelle Monday, Mark and Harry the Hatchet


Pink: Mark (NR), Phil the Power, Robin, Gaz, Eileen, Cockney R & Sheila


Black: A Triallist, Mika, Mags, Jill/Tomo, Phil the Moss, Tom D and Lord R


Sky: Kenny, Citeh Geoff, Clint, Roger, Jill, Les, Eamon


In the first games Orange won a tight encounter against Black 2-1. It would have been even tighter if Lord R hadn’t stopped to admire the scenery after a pass out from ‘keeper Mags letting Amazon P score the winner soon after Tom D had equalised Prime's first goal. Sorry Mags #red face#. Only at the end did Black realise that not only had they lost, but the winners had employed one less player than them. Oh, the shame!


In the other game Kenny got both goals as Sky overcame Pink 2-0, with Sky then continuing their good run with a comprehensive 3-0 win over Black with Kenny (2) and Citeh Geoff (in a rare sortie up field) getting the goals. It has to be said that with a relatively strong side Black really did not play to their full potential despite Tomo’s increasingly desperate exhortations – sorry Tomo! For their second game Pink failed once again to get on the scoresheet, thankfully neither could Purple leaving a 0-0 scoreline and giving Ref Les’s trusty pencil a rest.


Into the last games, and Sky’s winning run came to an end with a battling Orange victory over them 1-0 with Mika getting the only goal. But on Pitch Two, could Blacks and Pinks finally end their goal drought? Yes, but sadly for Blacks their losing run continued, Tomo’s goal not quite enough to cancel out goals from both Gaz and Mark (NR). Mind you, the cunning plan by Pink to carry on playing when Black's players were retrieving the ball from far distances didn’t help, causing steam to emanate from A Triallist’s ears (and possibly other orifices as well) in outrage. Oh well lessons learnt for Black; and you win some and you lose some. In Blacks’case, all 3!


Finally, on that Monday we were pleased to welcome Referee Les who has asked to formally join as a Member of the Club (mad fool…). He’s been supporting us for a while and now it’s great to have him formally on board!


Moving on to Wednesday 6th, at Sutton where the later kick off didn’t reduce the heat although the sun meant there was less need to change ends at halfers. Again, we were down to two pitches with holidays and injuries, but we lined up as follows: -


Green: Keith, Andy Man, Gonzalo, Gaz, Tom Derby and Harry the Hatchet


Blues: Paul P, Deano, Simon, Dave M, Phil the Power and Barry


White: Les, debutante Jim, Steve C, Chris 10P, Kenny and Lord R


Reds: Cockney R, Michelle Wednesday, Muller, Grav, Neil S and Joe the Ghost


Sadly, our records for Wednesday lack scores from two of the games on pitch 2 (aka the middle pitch) so if you know scores, scorers and highlights from the following games

Blues v Reds

Reds v Green

Keep them to yourself!

Although I can tell you in at least one of those two games Michelle scored what was later adjudged in the Boot Room media huddle (aka Turks Head) to have been the goal of the night, turning one hapless opponent before putting it in the net (the ball that is not the opponent.


What we can report is that on Pitch 1 (by the changing rooms) in a hard fought and even encounter White and Green drew 0-0. Green stayed on to welcome Blue and beat them 3-1, with goals from Keith and Gonzalo (2) with Dave M scoring for the Blue brigade


On Pitch 2 Reds’ efforts against White were hampered by an injury to Cockney Rebel, with Eamon replacing him and leaving Ref duties to Citeh Geoff (thanks!). White eventually won out 5-2 with Kenny and Chris 10P on the score line with Grav getting one of Red’s goals he and Joe proving a constant threat making the scoreline more uneven than Reds probably deserved.


Into the final games and White moved back to play Blue on Pitch 1. Another even game with Chris 10P and Kenny again putting White ahead, but they couldn’t hang on to their lead, with Phil and Paul replying and only some last ditch defending in the dying minutes by Lord R and Les preventing White from losing their unbeaten record.


Now we move on to Monday’s excitement at Ruskin where you could tell the holiday season was over as we had 32 players, giving us 4 teams of 5, again controlled by Refs Les and Jeff ,whilst Blues and Blacks with 6 a side were left to their own devices on Pitch 3.


Yellow: Thatto Dave, Mags, Roger, Citeh Geoff and Chopper


Purple: Donal, Andy P, Eileen, Phil, Sheila, Amazon P


Pink: Mark NR, Barry, Tom Stretch, Mika and Tony Snakehips


Orange: Les, Kirsty, Mika, Little John, debutant Paul F


Blacks: Back row – Eamon, Lord R & Cockney R. Front row - Gonzalo, Clint & Robin


Blues: Back row – Phil the Power, Harry the Hatchet, Andy Z. Front 3 – Kenny, Andy Manager and Steve the Honeyman


The 4 teams of 5 all played each other in a round robin and I can provide a quick run-down of scores and scorers as follows: -


Pitch 1 started with a close win for Purple over Pink 2-1, with Tom Stretch scoring on his return after his cake-related injury and Enoch P scoring both Purple goals, whilst on Pitch 2 Orange and Yellow fought out a tame 0-0 draw.


Pink did better in their 2nd game beating Yellow

3-1 with Mark NR, Tom Stretch and Mika all scoring and Amazon getting Yellow’s consolation, whilst Purple continued on their relentless way overcoming Orange 3-0 with goals from Amazon (2) and Phil.


The final games saw another 3 goals from Pink against Orange with Barry and Mika getting the goals in a 3-0 win, whilst Purple kept a 100% record with a 2-0 over Yellow with Donal getting both goals.


No big incidents to report although our Refs report that all games were played in good spirit with some really good passing football. New Member Ref Les commented after on how impressed he was with the honesty of the players owning up when they had committed fouls.


However, one highlight – apparently for both players – was Purple Sheila blasting the ball at Les in Orange, which I am told went through his legs nutmeg style Squeals of delight were heard, although whether this was from the Nutmegger, the Nutmegee or both, One simply could not say…….


So whilst all this was going on how were those other two Ref-less teams getting on? Well; as you can see from their team photos, we seem to have been caught in the space time continuum with a strange recalibration of players and kit. What a mystery science is to be sure.


An excellent game, particularly for Blue forwards Steve Honeyman and Andy Z who ran (walk surely?) their opponents ragged, particularly in the final third (we had breaks for water whenever the 5 a side teams swapped round). Between them they ended up with either 11 goals or 8 depending on who was counting, but however many, both got hat tricks.


It didn’t start off that way with Blues just about edging the first period 3-2, Eamon with a penalty and then one which hit the bar and then bounced down in a '66 World Cup Final stylee just about keeping Blacks in touch.


But, frustratingly, no sooner had Blacks got near their opponents – with goals from Lord R and Gonzalo than they’d find themselves chasing the game again as Steve and Andy seemed to score almost immediately after every goal their team conceded. But at the end of the 2nd period it was still nip ‘n’ tuck with Blues just in front 6-5.


Sadly, however, a serious of questionable defensive decision making by some in Black meant a further 5 goals were racked up by the deadly pair. Lord R’s views on this debacle were loud and forthright and had we had a ref he might have ben forced to spend some time off the field considering the consequences of his actions. Or at least his mouth. Moving swiftly on from that disgraceful scene, possibly the highlight of the day was Phil the Power's attempts to get on the score sheet alongside his illustrious striking partners. Sadly for him his shot cleared: -

A) the crossbar

B) the perimeter fences

C) the trees behind the fence

…and was last seen heading into orbit to the consternation of Pilot Bader D., bringing his EasyJet flight into land at Liverpool John Lennon Airport. This left the final score I think 11-6, in a competitive but sporting game enjoyed by all.


Right, I think that’s enough blogging for now as I am sure you will all agree. Normal service will be resumed soon…..hopefully.


So Many Men, So Little Time* – Miquel Brown

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