The Shape I’m In*

Sometimes you’ve just got to suck it up and get on with it You can’t always hope that everything will work out just perfectly These life lessons from the wisdom of one Gump F apply across all walks of life (note the word walks not run, jog or trot) And so it was inevitable that in this the best of all possible worlds Walking Football was born Like any family we take the rough with the smooth and accept it with good grace If all else fails we can always blame the Referee

Monday morning’s Ruskin Sports Village passed off with little incident but we don’t want to airbrush away a feisty encounter that blighted the otherwise tranquil atmosphere

There was a heated moment of madness, brought on by a rash tackle perpetrated from behind, that had to be dealt with by the grown ups

Afterwards Football Supremo Andy Houghton issued a statement to reiterate the Club’s stance It spoke eloquently of Duty of Care and the Enjoyment of the beautiful game It ended with a metaphoric line drawn in the er AstroTurf

Moving on we had a mighty collection of miscellaneous bodies squeezed into the following team colours;

Green - Haggis, Mossy, Citeh Geoff, Lord Rainford, Roger, Steve Jones and Barry Wizz (back after a prolonged injury absence)

Purple - Mike Thomo, Mike Bates, Glen, El Presidente, Anita, Lefty Bridge, Les Meldrew & Phil the Power (Refereeing duties shared with El Presidente half a game each)

Black - Sheila, Dave Robo, Amazon, John Hill, Eamon & Phil the Cat

Red - Honeyman, Colin, Jan, Ian Connor, Andy Man & Little John

Blue - Eileen, Chris K, Snakehips, Mark A, McSpeed, Big Tony & Cornelius

Old Gold - Enoch, Rick, Tom Stretch, Aldo, Steve Harding, Beach Boy & Robin

The Refereeing duties were shared by Charlie, Ref Jeff Betty and the dynamic duo Phil the Power & El Presidente (a step too far?)

Charlie took control of the football game featuring Red and Black Some of the other stuff that happened hastened the Statement later issued by Andy Man Any Referee would struggle to control a game when there’s such blatant needless foul play but to return to the game it all started well There were hat tricks for both teams Eamon for Red, the Honeyman for Black Colin netted for Red but goals by Dave Roberts and Phil the Cat secured a tight win for Black 5-4 the final score It’s sad that the football was over-shadowed by the nonsense but c’est la guerre

Ref Jeff took charge of Pitch B games the first a tight end to end affair featuring Old Gold and Blue Tom Stretch, returning to form after a couple of disastrous weeks, put Old Gold in front after a typical marauding slalom Chris K found a deserved equaliser before Beach Boy Brian Wilson fired the winner for Old Gold 2-1 the game every bit as tight as the score suggests

Jeff took the curious decision to join the fray in the second game as Green were the visitors to Blue Bayou Jeff’s inclusion as stand in keeper was exposed however as Green with Citeh Geoff quelling the Blue attacking threat Goals by Mossy 2 and Steve Jones ensured Green took control Steve Honeyman did claim a Blue consolation Green 3-1 the football score with 1-1 in the handbag stakes

Pitch A produced 10 goals and two excellent games Purple enjoying a successful morning with two hard fought wins Goals by Ian Lefty Bridge and Glen took Purple into a commanding 2-0 lead over Green But injury to El Presidente meant a reshuffle that presented Green with a route back Steve Jones plundered a brace of goals and Green were level Purple regained their shape with Anita playing her best football since returning from injury Mike Bates finished another sweeping move to fire home the winner 3-2 Purple prevailing by patient assured passing Terrific game under the beady eye of Phil the Power

In their second game Purple faced Old Gold with the limping El Presidente assuming Refereeing duties with Phil the Power gracing defensive acres in a preordained switch of responsibility

Glen scored first applying a cool finish to a great team passing move Mike Bates extended the lead finding the net through a sea of defenders Tom Stretched the Purple rearguard to narrow the lead before Lefty Bridge made no mistake for 3-1 Purple had played well all morning with a defensive organisation and passing accuracy that was very effective and good to view Tom stretched for another Old Gold consolation but noon brought the end of the session with Purple victors again 3-2

Midweek weather unpredictably made it another tricky selection dilemma for Andy Man Just how many would dodge the attraction of yet more Eurovision for an hour’s healthy footballing pursuits?

In the end we were blessed with 27 players, two referees plus an enthusiastic ball retriever and above all some wonderful walking football

The teams lined up as follows;

White - Little John, Roger, Joe the Ghost, PJ, Lord Rainford & Chris 10P

Red - Dav, Wickie, Doug, Chris 4G, Jason, Subbuteo Dave & Heather

Yellow - Haggis, Ian Harding, Mike Thomo, GRAV, Tom Stretch & Darron

Black - Phil the Power, Les H, Andy Man, Benno, Nigel, Eileen & Mossy

RefJeff Betty took charge of the Yellow v Black with his usual light touch to encourage the sides expansive ambitions Both teams were inspired to adopt very positive tactics The ball zipped from end to end with Black initially on top but they gifted Yellow goals to keep the game competitive before taking the decisive 5-4 lead Tom’s goal was a great solo effort as was Andy’s for Black

Mark managed his hat trick (well done Mark, whoever you are) and Haggis was very unlucky on a couple of occasions hitting the cross bar and forcing some good saves from respective Black keepers

Mike Tom & Mark 3 with the goals for Yellow (a prize for correctly identifying Mark is unlikely to be offered - as the Editor scratches his virtual head in wonderment just who it could be!)

Mossy 2, Andy & Phil the Power with the Black goals

Meanwhile El Presidente enjoyed the other footballing feast with Red and White going toe to toe Red took the early initiative with Dav powering in after some great passing White hit back when Lord Rainford strayed through a yawning gap to apply his trusty ‘Sussex Sweep’ to drift the ball out the keeper’s clutches and into the corner of the net 1-1 Red seized back control with fine goals Jason, Doug and Heather 4-1 White finding the going decidedly tough Undaunted Chris 10P struck twice before PJ swept in to level the game

Doug found a way to restore the Red advantage 5-4 but that would mark the final goal for his side as White over-powered their opponents with a second half deluge of goals Two more goals by PJ and 3 more by Chris 10P Prout completed the rout The final score possibly flattered White but there was no denying the quality of their attacking play 9-5 at the final whistle

Red failed to finish the job and left the chance for White to take the contest with great gusto

We’ve included a picture of some members enjoying some Women’s FA Cup Semi Final football at the Brewer’s Droop Stadium last weekend Despite being heavily outnumbered by Liver Birds FC supporters plucky Lord Rainford’s Seagullettes won with a late goal (no VAR either!) to advance to a final date with Manchester Citehez Pip Pip

The Shape I’m In* - The Band

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=00VkP7v-VaM