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Here Comes The Judge*

Thanks to a few people’s endeavours – but sadly not mine – SHWFC is able to bring you news of our efforts at Sutton this Wednesday. Your correspondent has now seen the error of his ways and will no longer need to rely on his somewhat erratic memory to retain scorers and scores. He has purchased one of those little notebooks that Referees write stuff down in. That includes entering the names of those who have transgressed the rules and spirit of the game (as well as usual goal scorers times of goals and toss winners etc). As you will discover, there was a teensy-weensy bit of that on at least one pitch on Wednesday.


Elsewhere on this blog, depending on where our webmaster decides to put them, you will see our usual display of players on the night. It was nearly a bumper turnout for Sutton, with 4 teams of 5, plus two of 6. In addition to the 3 referees there were also THREE spectators. This has led to plans by Les to set up a turnstile and start charging admission - no concessions for over 65s obviously.


The 6 v 6 game ended in a win for White over Green by 9-5. Both Deggs and Daz scored twice for Green with Dave adding the 5th. My spies also tell me that – uncharacteristically - Disco Deggs also had a fine spell in goal with some good saves. For White both Chris and Steve got hat tricks, with Kenny adding 2 and Les 1. And here, I’m afraid, Lord Justice Hawkins KC must don his black cap and do some stern sentencing from the bench.


I am not sure (thank goodness) of the fine details of what went on during the game which – at times - must have been quite difficult for Jeff Betty to administer No names, no pack drill; but if - as some on that pitch were blessed with more than the average talent displayed by SHWFC players, use it for good. Don’t wind players up – particularly your own team-mates. So, what if they made a balls-up? Have you never done so? And remember, there ain’t no win bonuses paid out by SHWFC. And you aren’t playing at The Emirates, Ewood Park or even Edgeley Park Exactly Everyone signed a form when they joined the club which states (amongst other things) that they will: -


• Never engage in or tolerate offensive, insulting or abusive language or behaviour

• Never engage in bullying, intimidation or harassment

• Speak to my team-mates, the opposition, spectators and my coach/manager with respect.

• Remember we all make mistakes.


Go, thou, and do likewise.


Here endeth the lesson. We are endebted to our ennobled Lord Rainford, or possibly one of his Staff for these pearls of wisdom


In the 5 a side festival of games Red started off with a narrow defeat as they were squeezed out 3-2 by Yellow. On the other pitch Blues played Orange and I regret to say we are still waiting for news of that game.


After the switch round, Red sadly could not cope with Orange, who ran out 5-0 winners, Joe with 2 goals and Paul Henesy with 3. Yellow v Blue finished 1 apiece, with Martin Mc scoring for Yellows, and Andy Man(anger) for Blues. Into the final match and a personal triumph for Haggis with 2 goals as Yellow overcame Orange 3-1, Eamon added the third and Paul getting Orange’s consolation. Blues v Reds finished 3-2, with Little John and Roy for Reds and Chris Willo claimed Blue’s first, after which I am afraid your correspondent’s memory (see first paragraph) fades again.


Well after his recent contributions you may be wondering what has happened to our Irish correspondent. I can tell you that his mind this week has mostly been taken up with socks and other under garments after lively discussions on our WhatsApp social group. We confidently await the first of his new fashion articles “what the well-dressed Walking Footballer might wear is under his/her kit”, soon.


Blues: Chris Willo, Paul/Roger Moore, Neil Stretch, Gaz, Andy Man(anger)


Yellow: Martin Mc, Haggis, Eamon, Enoch P, Darron


Orange: Phil the Power, Cockney R, Paul H, Joe, Tony Snakehips


Red: Roy (returning) Fielding, Eileen, Little John, Steve C,  Steve Honeyman


Green: - Tom ‘Stretch Parr, Disco Deggs, Simon, Dave M, Harry, Daz


White:- Les , Michelle, Kenny, Chris P, Steve, Chris 4G


Here Comes The Judge* - Originally by Pigmeat Markham, 1968. The phrase then borrowed by Sammy Davis Jr., spawning 4 more different versions, most well known by Shorty Long.

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