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Hat Trick*

SHWFC had an additional fixture this week. In addition to our usual Monday and Wednesday games, we played some ‘exhibition’ matches on Saturday at Ruskin, in advance of Andy Reid MBE’s Standing Tall Foundation putting on a ‘D-Day derby’ charity match between the Foundation’s Vet Select XI and a team from the Armed Forces Community HQ.

And we had 3 (count-em!) hat trick heroes this week, so take a bow Steve Honeyman, Grav and Michelle D. This is not to mention many others who got on the scoresheet twice in a complete week of goal-fest mania. All three sessions were a great advert for walking football and really produced a feel-goof factor for everyone who played.

On Saturday, despite donning our best SHWFC logo’d Jerseys (red, white and blue – very patriotic), frustratingly, most of the spectators for the main Andy Reid event turned up later thereby missing some matches played with great skill and spirit. The teams lined up as follows: -

Blue – Disco Degs, tony Snakehips, Andy Manager, Paul ‘Roger’ Moore, Lord Rainford, Mike McGuire, keeper ‘arry.

White – Jason, Chris 10P, Steve J, Haggis, Chris 4G, Joe the Ghost

Red – Tom Derby, Mark no relation, Dave P, Cockney Rebel, Kirsty, Robin.

After an impeccably observed 1 minute’s silence (no-one left early) White and Reds drew 1-1.

Chris 10P scored for Whites but then couldn’t make any of several chances tell, with Mark getting Red’s equaliser.

In the second game Blues took on Whites and had most of the play but couldn’t press home that advantage. Mike did put them ahead but then almost immediately Jason for Whites (in front of at least one adoring fan!) made it 1-1 and that’s the way it stayed.

In our final game Reds and Blues couldn’t’ find a goal between them, Harry stood resolute in goal for les bleus, but Degsy had obviously left his shooting boots at work earlier that day!

So, honours even all round and a great extra bonus session for us. We had enough time to play an extra time game with those players that were left with some changing sides, Blues running out 2-1 winner (Lord Rainford and Steve J); and Jason (putting on a show for his nearest and dearest) with his second of the afternoon getting red’s consolation.

One of the highlights of the day was the consummate display of reffing by Eamon, much praised afterwards by many players. He’d obviously got the reffing bug as he also volunteered to ref the main event and was on standby, only for the official ref to turn up only 10 minutes before kick-off, thwarting his chance of the big time!

No team pictures but plenty of action shots of the afternoon’s proceedings: -

And so, to our regular Monday morning at Ruskin where 34 members turned up to set up with 4 teams of 5 playing each other in a round-robin; and two teams of 7 battling it out for the full 60 minutes on pitch C.

Line ups for Monday were: -

Yellowy/green – Cockney Rebel, Simon, Phil the Power, Geoff P. Mike McG, Les Meldrew and Anita

Purple – Sheila, Kirsty, Chris Willow, Phil the cat, Brian P

Pink- Thatto Dave, Steve J, Tom ‘stretch’ Parr, keeper Harry, Barry Whizz

Sky Blue – Dave P, Ian B, Paul F, Gaz, Lord Rainford

Black – Mark no relation, Spiro, Alan A, Andy P, Steve the Honeyman

Orange – Tom D, Andy Manager, Haggis, Eamon, Phil, Little John, Charlie B.

The Green v Orange 60-minute blockbuster has been phoned in as a narrow win for Yellows, with their scorers being Mike M (2), Simon, Les, Phil the Power, and a Tom Derby own goal described in the bulletin as ‘a bit Marx brothers’. In reply, Orange scorers included Phil (2), Eamon at which point, sadly, radio contact was lost meaning oranges other scorers will -for now at least – remain nameless.

The 5 a side mini-tourney kicked off with ref Les overseeing a narrow 1-0 win for Pinks over Blacks, with Tom P earning some cake with the only goal, and Les having to remind some of our quicker players (clue in the nicknames) of the need to remain in a perambulatory stylee.

On pitch 2 there was another tight game with Sky Blue narrowly overcoming Purple 1-0. Lord R strayed into strange territory in attack and was rewarded by turning in a perceptive Dave P pass for the game’s only goal. It did look as though 1-0 might not be enough as Kirsty, Sheila and Brian put together some great moves, but Gaz in goal and some near misses from Mark ensured it stayed 1-0.

Sky then had to roll up their sleeves as Ref MikeA announced the middle game would be a full half hour. Could they survive against a hungry looking Pinks in the game again between the two winners of the first round. They could, and amazingly in that time nobody found the net. Pinks probably had more of the play, but Barry couldn’t make any chances tell. Paul was always available as an out ball to relive the pressure on Sky’s goal, but he too couldn’t get any shots on target.

Over on pitch 1 Blacks overcame Purples 3-0 with Steve the Honeyman achieving that rare thing, a hattrick!

So, to the final games. No goals to report from Pinks v Purples, but Blues continued their undefeated run with a 2-0 win over Blacks. Obviously exhausted by his three-goal effort in the previous game Steve was much subdued, and after a through ball by Lord R to Dave P, Sky went 1-0 up. Like Blues first game it was looking as though 1 goal might not be enough, but it took until the final minute for Sky to make the game safe; after Phil the Cat had suffered an injury which did not help Black’s cause. But Lord R made it 2-0, getting his second of the morning with a toe poke from distance into the corner beating the despairing dive of Steve in the Black’s goal.

Another good morning’s walking football, with some excellent play and done in a great spirit overseen by Les L and MikeA, to which much thanks. It was the time to go for a coffee and enjoy the baking skills of Phil the Cat, who provided with both coffee and banana options for his grateful club-mates; appreciated by all. By the time we went home no cake was left, and I will leave regular readers to guess as to who might have taken the last bits home!

On Wednesday SHWFC reconvened for their regular Sutton session, which meant a 3rd game in 5 days for some. Lord R decided his knees weren’t up to this and reffed along with Phil the Power. 22 players meant we split with one game of 5 v5; and 1 of 6 v6.

The fabulous fives were: -

Blues – Chris 10P, Deano, Martin, Michelle, Subbuteo Dave

Reds – Les Meldrew, Lee, The Ox, Tom ‘stretch Parr, Haggis

Whilst the sexy sixes were: -

Greens – Cockney treble, Eamon, Jason, Grav, Gaz and Graham

Whites – Simon, Chris 4G, Andy Manager, Andy P, Little John, Joe the Ghost.

There then followed tow tight games played in great spirit, with not a little skill, enjoyable to both play in and ref.

On the 6 a side game Greens beat whites 5-2, but the match was more even than the score suggests. Player of the night was probably Grav who scored a hat trick for Green, with Jason and Eamon adding the other two. Simon and Joe the G got White’s goals.

The 5 a side was a humdinger with Blues taking an early 3-1 lead through Dean and Michelle with two, both of her goals thanks to errors by a rather red faced and embarrassed Ox. But by half time he’d made up for this by getting a goal back and a third from Tom levelled the score at  3-3. As well as his goal Haggis had assists for both his team’s other goals in an impressive performance.

And so, to the 2nd half. Michelle obviously had a hat trick on her mind and was desperate to score again, too desperate on occasions for the ref! But Lee, on his return from injury put Blues 5-3 up and almost got his hat trick with what would have been goal of the night had he connected with a volley.

Haggis now turned saviour with a couple of smart blocks in goal, but he couldn’t prevent Chris 10P pulling a goal back. At 5-4 it looked as though blues would find a way to take control but – a bit against the run of play both - Les and the Ox with his second put Reds almost over the hills and far away at a score of 7-4.

Almost over the hills and far away but not quite. Everything comes to she who waits and – to congratulations all round - Michelle finally got her hat trick and our third of this week with a close-range finish after another keeper save. But then in the last 5 minutes Haggis got his 2nd with another trademark shot from the left wing into the far corner – he also had 2-3 others which only just missed the far post. Blues still had belief they could get something out of the game and Chris 10P then got his 2nd to put them only 2 behind at 8-6. But with Les pleading for the ref to blow his whistle (either through exhaustion or panic, I am not sure which) we finally ended with no more goals and handshakes and back-slapping all round.

Phew, that was a bit fo an epic wasn’t it. We’ll be back again next week for hopefully two more sessions of the beautiful walking game.


Hattrick – Soullive (Freestyle Records 2009)

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