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Fires Don’t Start Themselves*

This MegaBlog covers the sessions for Monday 9th and Wednesday 11th October a pivotal moment for SHWFC members? Not really but it does set the scene

Monday morning's Ruskin Sports Village session featured just one of our Cub Reporters covering the entire period No mean feat as our editorial team can atest WFA Referee Les Lomax offered a commentary of his performance and the games he officiated

Its a remarkable piece of recording, unlike our usual culprits rather than providing a narrative of the games instead it's a 'live' testimony from the Referee's viewpoint Warts and all What does come across is Les's very mature handling of the action with constant reminders not to run or trot, especially off the ball He demands no contact throughout and skilfully negotiates a path through one particularly potentially explosive incident A player is clearly given an official warning and thereafter adjusts his performance to reflect his tightrope existence

Les helps all the players to stay within the boundaries that the Laws of the Game dictate with encouragement and guidance Defenders would be heartened to hear his instruction for forwards to not to back in The establishment of the notion that this game is being played fairly and with safety first resonates throughout There's an interesting interlude when he explains to a multi lingual audience the need to 'slow your pace all around the pitch, especially off the ball too' Whether our Greek speaking section Spiro and Andreas understood is another point entirely

The games we have reports on ended with Blue shading Pink by a solitary own goal In game two Orange hit Pink with 3 unanswered goals thanks to Eamon 2 and Andy Man

The final match was a three goal thriller Mike McSpeed with 2 for Orange with Mark NR claiming a consolation for Yellow 2-1 in favour of Orange over Lemon

The teams selected were;

Yellow - Les, Mark NR, Paul F, Paul J and Tom Derby

Black- Amazon, Chopper, Anita, Little John and Barry Wizz

Orange - Daz, Eamon, Mike McSpeed, Andy Man and Willo

Pink - Phil the Moss, Kenny, Eileen, Andy Zac and Tony Snakehips

Purple - Phil the Power, Kirsty, Lord Rainford, Tom Stretch and Clint

Sky - Chris K, Donal, Charlie, Wickie and Enoch

Wednesday night's Sutton SoccerDome session followed the pattern of week one with a number of tender souls remaining indoors to enjoy a 5 a side under the loving care of the Cockney Rebel, who has taken to refereeing duties like a seasoned veteran

Outside the Officials were Lord Rainford and El Presidente minus any super grass interventions

Teams for indoors included;

Red - Grav, Chopper, Les Meldrew, Disco Deggs and Enoch

Blue - Lee Thomo, Joe the Ghost, Phil the Power, Kenny and Wickie

Red started brightly and found themselves comfortably leading at the break with 4 goals by Grav and a toe ended strike from Deggs Joe had ghosted in his usual reply 5-1 at the interval, lots of errors, lots of chances and lots of fun too

Blues inability to hit the proverbial barn door costing them dearly However with 20 minutes remaining Blue came alive Kenny with a hat trick and Wickie with a brace levelled the whole affair One of Kenny's goals was judged goal of the night a cheeky back heel catching keeper Grav off balance There was a late Blue card too, Deggs's time-wasting irritating our referee enough to warrant the sanction The excuses followed but fell on deaf ears Good game very even though it took a long time to fully illustrate just how even it really was

The teams outside were;

Green - Keith, Haggis, Little John, Tom Derby, Andy Man and Paul Steiger

White - Eileen, Tom Stretch, Dave M, Chris 10P and Martin Mc

Yellow - Paul P, Roger, Eamon, Simon and Gonzalo

Orange - Chris 4G, Michelle Wednesday, Deano, Neil S and Jim

Green took an early and unexpected lead courtesy of a speculative effort from Haggis, who somehow unleashed a shot from the narrowest of angles that went through the despairing grasp of Tom Stretch, ran along the line and in off the far post The lead was to last until 5 minutes were left in the game White had patiently knocked the ball around to find an opening until Chris 10P eventually found the net for 1-1 The score line held until 2 minutes from time when Chris 10P grabbed a second for 2-1 A super game White great value for their win Green unable to make the most of their extra player though Keith was close to a late equaliser

Chris 10P burst onto a loose ball to make it 3-2 Gonzalo claimed another to make it 4-2 allowing the ball to run across his body before turning swiftly to dispatch via the far post Gonzalo made it 5-2 taking the ball wider to the right before shooting wide left into the empty net Chris 10P found the net once again to make it 5-3 Great end to end stuff but Yellow slightly more effective whenever chances were presented Close to the end the Yellow goal was subjected a period of sustained pressure Then Eamon failed to outwit Martin Mc when one on one Great save by Martin saving the day In the final minute Yellow surged forward applying the decisive pressure that sealed the victory

The final game pitted Green and Yellow with a stunning opening goal claimed by Paul Porter, hitting with real venom after being set up by quickly taken side line restart Haggis went close before Gonzalo finished off a sweeping team move involving all of the Yellow players 2-0 A brief explanation of shepherding (nipping in as the ball reaches the intended forward) was given by El Presidente (no PowerPoint presentation remains sadly)

Gonzalo fired home another for 3-0 before Green mounted a genuine comeback period Tom Derby swept home after a great ball from Andy Man for 3-1 Yellow continued to out pass their opponents Paul Porter found his distance with another great effort for 4-1 Then with just 2 minutes from time Eamon was found by Keith to unleash a shot that Haggis juggled wide Tom Derby swooped in to poke home 4-2 and 90 seconds left Little John found the net to set up an edgy finish but Yellow held on to win 4-3

Orange remained under the firm control of Lord Rainford for the entire session However this cunning wheeze to stay on Pitch Two did them no favours losing all of their games 3-1 against Yellow, then 4-2 against Green before succumbing White

Michelle Wednesday (for it was she) celebrated her birthday with a goal in the first match

There was a penalty awarded in game two for a wandering foot, wandering into the penalty area - a decision that drew stinging critics and eventual grudging acceptance Tom Stretch celebrated a cake accident-free week with a goal in the final match

It was that sort of night - mighty games with monumental goals and plenty of laughs to last until the Boot Room ortopsy Deggs unsurprisingly claimed to have been harshly treated by Referee Rebel

He was answering a call of nature

"You was time-wasting my son, you're a wrong un treacle"

Banged to rights!

At this point Deggs downed tools in a typical wild cat strike action


I do promise to complete the WhatsApp Noticeboard Poll declaring whether and where I'm playing next time Simples

Fires Don't Start Themselves* - Darius Rucker (former lead singer of Hootie & the Blowfish)

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