You Can Leave Your Hat On*

It’s been quite a week for SHWFC Now when was the last time that wasn’t the case?

In benign conditions the Monday morning gathering kicked off a busy week with numbers just north of forty; players, referees and spectators gearing up for the week’s opening salvo

New boy Ian Smith joined the throng after a much delayed ‘will he won’t he’ lasting nearly 14 months His delay possibly due to EUFA holding on to his documentation during one of their legendary 24 course lunches

In usual fashion he chose to pass when invited to perform his initiation song at the warm up ceremony El Presidente reminded the assembly that this week was Celebration Party week and that we’d love to see as many members as possible packing the Percival Suite on Friday night Club attire was optional but recommended Members who had purchased Souvenir Programmes as entrance tickets could collect from the Cockney Rebel at the end of the session

The morning’s teams were sliced and diced as follows;

Black - PaulF, Lord Rainford, Aldo, Eileen, Wickie and new boy Ian S

Yellow - Steve Jones, Tony W, Chris K, Phil the Moss, Snakehips and Phil the Power

Neon Green - Ashy, Kirsty, Andy Man, Tom Derby, Triallist and Mike Thomas

Pink - Donal, Colin, Roger, Les Meldrew, McSpeed and Grav

Sky - Brian, Tom Stretch, Phil the Cat, Chopper, Geoff Pr and Jenko

Purple - Barry Wizz, Little John, Mike Bates, Haggis, Steve Honeyman and Citeh Geoff

Referees were El Presidente, Eamon (or Vice as he’s becoming widely known) and Charlie (under the mentoring guidance of Jeff Betty, applying factor 50 during the games)

Spectators included; Anita, Cockney Rebel, Mark Daverin (who had guest appeared with Sky in a motivational moment) and autograph hunters galore on the trail of Vice?

Play got underway with Charlie attending to the opening match on Pitch One (still the one nearest the grandstand) His game featured Neon Green (certainly not to be confused with Yellow) and their Putple opponents The game ended in triumph as Purple hit three without reply Mike Bates was as usual on good form with a goal but Steve Honeyman stole the show with an excellent brace 3-0 the final score In Charlie’s next game he took charge of the bruise derby with Purple and Yellow trading plenty of chances with but just a solitary goal deciding the final outcome Tony Snakehips Byrne rolled back the years to hit the winner 1-0 the result after an entertaining game

Eamon sported an official Vice Chairman top,

to celebrate his ascendancy to high office, for his morning’s stint as peace keeper on the pitch at the Far End Black met Yellow in the opener The action was hectic end to end stuff with plenty of endeavour but decidedly poor finishing The only goal was claimed by Aldo on his return from injury Black prevailing 1-0 with Yellow a little shot shy and unable to trouble the score board

Game two was a rather one-sided rout with Black dispatching Sky by 4 goals to 1 The combination of Aldo and debutant Ian Smith proved too much for Sky The pair each scored two, with Sky’s consolation coming from Jenko Good game but Black ops too much for Sky

El Presidente maintained a firm grip on ‘not walking’ in his own manner Sky and Pink first to feel the force Their game was a good contest as Sky took a one goal lead thanks to Brian Pink hit back with the Late Colin Williams surging to fire the equaliser Both sides created chances, both sides yielded possession in dangerous positions with wayward passing The decisive moment came just before the break with Grav driving a shot that took a punishing deflection before wrong footing Phil the Cat, who otherwise had put in a great display of goal keeping prowess 2-1 the final score Pink riding their luck to win

The second game followed the similar pattern with Neon Green blinding their Pink opponents with an opening goal of great quality from Kirsty Her shot rifled past the Pink keeper to find the far corner 1-0 Pink rattled by constant ‘not walking’ offences in their exuberance to level Enter McSpeed, first he found the net to draw his team to parity Then he struck a vital penalty to hand Pink the advantage Pink at times were fortunate to have not conceded a penalty for 4 not walking offences, now the beneficiaries of a penalty area infringement How ironic

The match was ebb and flow with some great passages of play and moments to forget too Sky finally succumbed to a break away third Pink goal with Donal wrapping up victory 3-1

A good morning’s play celebrated with confectionery supplied by Head of Vice Eamon O’Hooligan In a moment of Slipper Salon magic Lord Rainford drank his coffee from a cup and saucer whilst everyone else had to make do with takeaway cups Perhaps his fame had spread to the Slipper Salon staff?

Wednesday’s Sutton SocceDome session was very businesslike with members promptly assembling to prepare for their midweek meander Teams were presented with their line-ups and bibs plus yet more vital attire instructions for Friday’s Celebration

The all important team news was as follows;

Blue - Deggs, Deano, Little John, Peter T, Phil the Power and Haggis

Orange - Chris 10P, Ian H, Neil Stretch, Midweek Michelle, Tom Stretch and Lord Rainford

Red - Mark Dav, Andy Man, Grav, Phil the Cat, Chris 4G and Joe the Ghost

Yellow - Andy Holland, Les Meldrew, Subbuteo Dave, Cockney Rebel, Jason and Eamon Vice

El Presidente resumed sole responsibility for all game, with Jeff Betty resting his whistle in Spain and Eamon too busy being fabulous elsewhere Jeff is pictured below taking the knee in his SHWFC polo shirt with chums from Moraira WFC near Alicante

The opening matches pitted Red and Yellow with Andy Holland on hand to grab the first goal for Yellow Meanwhile Blue played Orange in what became a rather one-sided encounter with long range shooting dominating proceedings Subbuteo Dave doubled the Yellow advantage following a sublime passing move Andy Holland and Vice involved 2-0 to Yellow Red hit back thanks to Phil the Cat effort Joe the Ghost provider on this rare occasion 2-1 At this stage the sun started to set though the temperature remained pleasantly warm Play ended with Red close to equalising, Yellow holding out 2-1 the final score

Orange claimed a 5-1 victory thanks to a Chris 10P hat trick and goals by Neil and Ian Blue’s consolation was courtesy of Peter T

In the second round of games there were early goals for Orange thanks to Chris 10P with Jason hitting back for Yellow 1-1 and little to choose between the sides Orange regained their lead with Tom Stretch taking full advantage of some particularly poor defensive clearing 2-1 As has often been observed anyone can make an error but the lack of effort to regain possession is unforgivable Orange were generally sharper about the pitch but there was a definite tendency to burst into some defensive areas that strayed into ‘not walking’ Despite warnings from Referee and team mates another dash resulted in the award of a ‘4 Team penalty’ decision The decision led to a sustained bout of feverish hat abuse from the only player wearing head ware The said Baseball cap being thrown to the ground repeatedly until cool was restored Cockney Rebel converted the penalty to draw the sides level 2-2

Ian Hilton punished a totally wasted Yellow free kick, latching on to the clearance to steer home Orange 3-2 with no Yellow defender within 25 yards of their goal Ian then repeated the punishment on the deserted Yellow defensive end 4-2 the final score Yellow outplayed mostly due to their own defensive inability

Red and Blue was another one sided affair with Red on top at the end Details of the scorers lost in translation

So all thoughts then switched to the Friday night Celebrations A special Blog for that event and Saturday’s Bowls action will be posted when the adrenaline finally wears off

You Can Leave Your Hat On* - Joe Cocker

(Randy Newman song also famously covered by Tom Jones)