Win, Place Or Show - She’s A Winner*
- St Helens Walking Football
- 3 days ago
- 7 min read
After last Friday’s momentous SHWFC Race Night at the Bishop Road Club there was – for this week’s blog writer anyway – one obvious choon to act as the theme for our latest blog, the Intruder’s Philly classic.
But more on that later! Football first.
As has become the norm there was another bumper turnout at Ruskin Drive on Monday. Even more bumper than Andy Manager had anticipated an hour beforehand A couple of lazy blighters strolled in not having bothered to fill in the poll which allows our esteemed Football Manager to pick as equal sides as possible. We know who you are and you can expect a knock on the door one night from a ‘disappointed’ Les Meldrew. And if that doesn’t scare you; nothing will.
Anyway, be that as it may, after some adept jiggery-pokery and thinking on his feet Andy announced the following squads:-
Green - Tom Stretch, Haggis, Beach Boy Brian, Big Tony, Sheila & after a spell out with injury - welcome back Tom Derby
Black - Andy Manager, McSpeed, Mark A, Lord Rainford, Mika, Wickie, Grav & debutante Trish
Blue - Cockney Rebel, Tomo, Eamon, El Presidente, Snakehips, Chopper & Joe the Ghost
Red - John H, Kirsty, Amazon Prime, Steve Jones, Mark NR, Les Meldrew & Chris Gilmore (not in pic)
Purple - ‘Roger’ Moore, Ricky, Gonzalo, Eileen, Steve Honeyman & Little John
Old Gold - Enoch, Paul F, Ashy, Monday Michelle, Mike Bates, Mike Thommo & Dave ‘new boots’ Roberts
On pitch A Black took on Blue for the full hour with Mika and Lord Rainford both reffing half a game each. Tomo gave an early warning of her goal threat by hitting the junction of post and bar and then going close again before – ignoring the warnings – Blacks left her free on goal to put Blues 1-0 up. But despite being behind Blacks were playing some good team football encouraged by Andy and withTrish impressing on her debut, meaning by half time they were 2-1 up with McSpeed getting both.
After half time Lord R took over reffing duties from Mika, but this did not stop Blacks’s momentum. McSpeed completed his hack trick and then the unfortunate Tomo contributed an OG when a shot hit her on the back and took a wicked deflection into the corner of the goal.
At 4-1 with 5 minutes to go you’d think that was it. But no. In a collapse of almost Brighton-Esque proportions first Martin picked his spot for a Cockney Rebel classic long shot and then Joe ghosted in to take advantage of some hideous Black defensive confusion. Andy Manager’s face was a picture then, you’d have thought he’d just swallowed a wasp. Blacks however clung on, their nerves in shreds to stagger over the finishing line 4-3 winners.
On pitch B the first match was Reds v Purple, which finished 4- 1 to Reds. Steve Jones and Mark Davies both getting 2 for Reds with Steve Honeyman getting Purples consolation.
At the same time on pitch C where Jeff Betty took on reffing duties Greens started off against Yellow but lost 3-0. There was some great football from Yellow with all their players involved in good passing moves and clinical finishing. Green battled hard but were unable to cash in on their chances with Tom Stretch going close on at least three occasions.
For the 2nd round of games Purples moved over to pitch C to take on Old Gold and ran out narrow winners, 3-2 in a tight game. The pre match opinion from Purple was that it was going to be a tough game but due to some good ball retention, passing moves and slick finishing they found themselves two up courtesy of Gonzalo; and started strolling through the game. But Old Gold had other ideas and thanks to some great play and finishing from Andy Enoch got the scores level at two all only for Gonzalo to show his finishing prowess to get his hat-trick and win the game for Purple
Greens moved to take on Reds for their second game on pitch B and were sadly on the end of a Steve Jones goal-fest. Reds finished the match 10-2 with Steve scoring 7 (seven), plus two from Mark NR and one for Chris Gillmore. Ther was some player swapping to try and even things up when Reds went 4 up but lapses of concentration and with a less mobile team and one or two players having an off day (Tom Stretched up his hand up for being one of those) sadly Greens couldn’t compete. But they never gave up and were rewarded with probably the goal of the game near the end when Haggis scored with a great finish.
On Wednesday at Sutton for once it wasn’t the rival attraction of the Champions League which had us struggling for players but a number of late dropouts due to work overruns, hospital delays, etc etc. But we eventually managed to get to evenly matched games both outdoor and in
.
The outdoor line ups (sorry, no pics) were:-
Orange - Gaz, Deano, PJ, Haggis, Graham, Kirsty & Ian Harding,
Green - Jason, Chris P, Chris Sully, Eileen, Mike Tomo, Little John & Roger Moore.
In what was described as a great game with both teams showing respect and sportsmanship Orange just edged it 6-4. Green had the upper hand in the first half and led 3-2 with goals from Little John, Mike Tomo and Jason but Orange man marked, talked more and turned it around, their scorers being Ian Harding with a hattrick, Graham, Haggis and an unlucky OG from a corner by Jason.
Meanwhile indoors Yellows (Andy Manager, Phil the Power, Grav, Les Meldrew and Steve Honeyman took on Whites (Triallist, Paul Robinson, Nigel, Jeff Betty and Lord Rainford). This was another great game played in good spirit. Whites got off to a storming start with a Jeff Betty rasper but both Lord Rainford and Paul should have put them further ahead meaning that by half team Yellows, with 2 Honeyman goals, were in front.
The story continued the same in the 2nd half with Whites not taking their chances, plus some good saves from Phil and Lord Rainford hitting the post meaning it was still 2-1 into the closing stages. But in their efforts to get level Whites were now almost spent, and so 2 more late Yellow goals from Grav and Steve put a gloss on the scoreline, for Yellows to run out 4-1 winners.
And so, to Friday’s Race Night in a new venue for us the Bishops Road Club (aka ‘The Police club’ to those of who have been knocking round St Helens for several decades). The venue was regarded as a great choice, and I am sure we’ll be back...if they’ll have us.
If you’ve not been to one of these events the way it works is that there are 8 races, each with 8 horses. These are videos of real races, but the names of the horses are changed, mostly to hideous or even quite suggestive puns linked to the fictitious name given to each race. So, it’s inevitable that in one race linked to food a horse will be named Spotted Dick, and in one related to the military you’d have Corporal Punishment.
Anyway, Martin takes your money and when everyone has handed over their cash Les announces the odds; at which point there are either boos or cheers depending on how much he decides will be paid out per £ spent on the winner. A miserly £2 per £ bet (this is Les’s favourite) will be greeted by boos and worse, whilst the occasional payout of £5 per £ will be greeted by whoops of excitement from those who’ve put their little all on that particular nag.
The whole thing is great fun and, quite frankly, no knowledge or expertise in horse racing is required. Just as well in my case. There is also one race where 8 contestants can, for the princely sum of £5, become an owner/jockey, get to sit on a seat with a coloured bib on (see picture) and have a chance to win £20! The evenings lucky winner of that event this year was Phil the cat.
Inevitably there was one race based on fishy puns which then caused uproar on Liz and Julie’s table. Julie appeared to have chosen a horse for Liz with a trout-based name which Liz thought was a bit too personal. This outrage was met with gales of laughter from all around, but I predict there may have been a steward’s enquiry later in the McDonald/Simmons household.
Whilst all this was going on Sheila was quietly placing her £ coins on the nags of her choosing and then after the race equality unobtrusively collecting her winnings. Eventually this constant success was spotted by all and sundry who were then keen to see what she was putting her bets on “I’m not going to tell you” said the woman who almost broke the bank at Monte Bishopo. Sheila ended up with 6 winners and is believed to have had to call Securicor to arrange to take her winning home.
And she might have broken the bank were it not for the fact that some other people (take a bow Eileen and Liz) were not so lucky. Eileen didn’t win so much as a bean. And neither did Liz until the last race. Having (mostly) recovered from the Trout incident she risked her cash one final time in race 8....and was rewarded with £2. Her delight at this led to her announcing her success to all and sundry via the microphone (she didn’t really need it) to great cheers from the assembled multitude.
And so, to the end of a most enjoyable evening where we didn’t get home until nearly midnight. Many congratulations to Martin Les and Karen for organising a really fun evening. Beaming smiles and laughter all round, plus some people went home with a bit more cash and we made some good money for club funds. Do come to the next one, you won’t be disappointed!
* ‘(Win Place or Show) She’s a Winner’. The Intruders. Here’s the remix by the legendary Tom Moulton for you:-
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