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Two can play that game*

Updated: Jan 21

Wednesday night’s our traditional session stretching back to our start in 2015 Over the years the Club’s fortunes have ebbed & flowed From the enclosed Beacon gym to the present times twin indoor & outdoor sessions So last night we boasted a healthy 23 players spread from the enclosed indoor furnace of Sutton SoccerDome to the wastelands of Sutton’s AstroTurf All agreed it was another mighty night


The indoor squad warmed up under the ever watchful eye of Coach Davies who in search of eternal youth donned his playing kit to take part in the carpet slippers session

Coach made his selections for the night’s exhibition match (the reality was a little different of course - the game split in three segments was feisty and competitive) Players were treated to new balls (ooh Matron) with 2 new Mitre Futsal balls introduced in an effort to slow play to better suit the players & conditions The teams were;


Orange - Lee, Coach, Speedo, Grav and Steve the Honeyman

Black & Blue - Cockney Rebel, Citeh Geoff, Lefty & Joe the Ghost


In another exclusive interview we spoke to Cockney Rebel (via an interpreter)

”Yes it was a good night with two evenly matched teams ‘aving a right tear up me ole China! The Orange’s (but not the Lemons) ‘ad the edge and ran out good value winners Black & Blue were in a right two & eight but did get a few goals themselves - mate

We certainly missed Disco Deggs even if we can’t understand a word he says” At this point we abandoned the interview and retreated to the bar

The indoor session ended with a flurry of goals and an 8-5 victory for Orange thanks to hat tricks for Lefty & the afore mentioned Rebel C Joe the Ghost claimed a brace too as his fitness recovery continues apace

Black & Blue scorers were Speedo with 3 Steve the Honeyman & Grav’ Editor’s note - the accuracy of this indoor report is not guaranteed With Lord Rainford approaching official end to his self isolation we trust normal reporting standards will resume soon


The AstroTurf warriors meanwhile trooped across the Sutton tundra to be warmed to within an inch of their lives by the demon torture meister Gaz Clark 13 players were quickly put through their paces before being selected for battle The eventual teams were;

Green - Oxo, Thatto Dave, Tom Derby, Phil, The Chaser & El Presidente

Blue - Tom Stretch, Chopper, Package, Goldie, Nigel, Allan Molly Maldon & Gaz


Green settled first and sprayed the ball around with great gusto El Presidente and Phil (not the only time that night) tested each other’s control with 100 kph passing from 2 metre distance Despite having the additional body the Blues were unable to gain meaningful possession until Tom Stretch finished his spell as keeper There was a scare as the Package seemed to tweak a hamstring but he continued shortly after to exert a greater contribution as the game went on Then Green took a deserved lead with Thatto Dave finishing a good passage of team work with neat shot The delayed arrival of Referee Jeff Betty kept play honest, indeed he had a fine night on top of the game with a firm grip on play Green were further rewarded for their hard work with a smart goal by Oxo who was at the heart of the Green movement in the early stages

2-nil and Greens on top despite being a player light (not everyday you can write that)


Blues did produce a spell of more effective play with more fluid passing The Package was able to find the net to finish off a good team move Shortly afterwards Blues were level with a clever shot that found the only gap in El Presidente’s keeping armoury (through his legs) Greens responded but stout defending by Chopper and good keeping by a succession of keepers Blues held out

We had a comic back pass sequence as El Presidente tested Phil’s recovery skills with a sharp layoff Happily he was up to the required level and even had to time to rest for a photograph before seizing the errant pass

2-2 and all to play for


The winning goal was another example of Blues exploiting the additional man and some smart interchanged passing The Package fired an unstoppable shot to complete the turnaround for the Blues Greens continued to search for a way back but then suffered a further setback with a hamstring injury ending the Chaser’s evening As he was helped from the pitch, the January transfer window was prised open to allow Greens to take Molly on loan for the month (with a view to buy if all parties are satisfied)

The night ended with a pitch invasion by St Trinians six formers Perhaps we had extended our hour but with no whistle to signal the end of play we continued to play on The final indignity was when the said six formers physically moved the Far End goals back to the extent of the Hockey pitch

An exchange of insults rather than usual swap of shirts was a tad petty In our defence we didn’t fancy yours much


Great fun goals galore and yet again some terrific football too

What more could a boy ask for?

Two can play that game* - Bobbi Brown (alleged singer)

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