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Shot shy SHWFC miss Gonzalo

Updated: Aug 27, 2021

Our use of Moneyball, the much fabled algorithm we use for team selection, has proved yet again the perfect way to arrive at fair and balanced games However, so good is this mathematical device now that we've forgotten that its goals that win matches Without the goal threat of Chris 'Gonzalo Higuan' many games featured teams merely cancelling each out That's not necessarily a bad thing but as one of the gantry pundits remarked last night it ‘won't bring the crowds back’!

22 players set about the task of warming up under the seasoned eye of Coach Davies, some of our newer players appeared mesmerized at times but to their credit they stuck to the script along with those seasoned members who know just how far they can stretch those abductors

The Teams were;

Blue - Gaz, Phil, Chopper, Grazer, Steve, Cockney Rebel, Geoff and guest visitor Andy Clark (not another one?)

Red - Jeff, Ian B, Andy Capt, Lord Rainford, Les, Joe and newbie Steve Goldthorpe (Goldie from this point)

Orange - Nigel, Tom, Deggs, Andy H, Grav, One More John and Gary

As is usual in such sessions the Blues extra man was offset in each of their matches by a guest to balance the numbers Herr Pitt signaled the start of hostilities by announcing each segment would be 8 minutes In the Boot Room after the session there was agreement that longer sessions would be better to allow teams to settle into each match Interesting that despite continual adaptions and improvements we are still keen to explore other alternative ideas

The first match featured Blues and Reds with some notable performances but an almost total lack of shots (and not one effort on target) Gaz came closest with a typical blam but too high to trouble anyone but Herr Pitt who demonstrated his version of head height to the onlooking players of both sides Gaz was sporting perhaps the largest shorts (oxymoron right there) ever seen at Sutton A generous XXXL in the basketball fashion, so much material not seen since the end of parachute manufacture locally

His image as a folklore hero was further enhanced by his shout 'Dad stay there' Grazer duly stayed put so job done! The third Clark of the night Andy Clark a mere late 40-something caught the eye by adapting very quickly to the vagaries of the WFA Rules but was admonished by Herr Pitt for a 'new boy challenge' that brought a freekick that Reds subsequently squandered

0-0 and in truth much to admire but without a goal

Orange and Red in game 2 went in the prescribed fashion neither team able to produce a meaningful goal bound effort to trouble the statisticians

In game 3 we had the first controversial highlight of the night featuring the Huyton Hero poking the ball home from the edge of the area but foul of the WFA Rule about blocking opponents Another described the finish as Dalglish'esque, the dexterous use of the arse - whatever it was swiftly rules out

All 3 teams having played twice and no goals to show, the pundits ventured theories on the likeliest to break the deadlock; the Ukrainian, Irishman and French pundits verdict was a resounding 'not really' And so in game 4 Blues faced Reds and inevitably having dismissed the notion of ever finding a goal we had a great poachers effort by visitor Andy Clark who found the net and then fell into the box carried by a slight nudge and momentum Herr Pitt ruled a goal and at last we had some reward for honest endeavour

In game 5 the hot streak continued with Reds Ian B grabbing a brace to conclude the nights goal action though there was still lots of the usual action moments as time ran out Perhaps the night's funniest moment was the sight of Grazer managing to tackle himself turning to retrieve a pass that didn't quite reach him Nigel reacted badly to being ignored at touchline restart, in fairness he had a very correct claim for a quick pass but instead was ignored As play resumed he and One More John were deep in conversation with words this writer would blush at hearing repeated Nigel to his great credit apologised but his action was understandable if a little petulant The play ended with a scrappy final match that failed to impress the assembled St Trinians hockey team encroaching onto our pitch for their session

Special mentions to Ian B for his goals, Lord Rainford who was impassable all night, Gary, Grav, Geoff, and Chopper who all played well Andy Howell is settling in to this new (for him) sport Steve the Honeyman, Tom and Andy Capt all excelled

In case anyone is wondering Grazer has one son left to turn out at SHWFC (Paul who has yet to guest) and daughter Nicola (who trained with MUFC as a kid despite being a RS fan) Football runs in the family veins it seems

Hope to see as many as possible at the AGM on Friday night 7pm at the Turks Head 27/08/21

A reminder that there will be no Monday session as Monday next is a Bank Holiday

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