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Sexy Football

Fear not faint hearts let me assure you that here at SHWFC Editorial Towers we are NOT pursuing cheap headlines to draw in new readers The headline is instead a quote attributed to our midfield dynamo Sharon Hand who was mightily impressed with the quality of one of last night's goals But more of that later

After the tropical prevailing conditions at Ruskin Drive on Monday the temperature was kinder there was a fresher atmosphere last evening - Sutton Soccer Dome's AstroTurf was bathed in pleasant ambiance for the arrival of 28 players to strut their midweek stuff

El Presidente conducted another of his rapid warm ups explaining the need to warm the ancient joints, whilst Coach Davies employed the Club's fabled Moneyball selection algorithm to select the combatants

Those teams were;

Pink - Gonzalo, Cockney Rebel, Lord Rainford, Phil, Sharon, Martin Mc and debutant Chris Wilson (who for the purposes of clarity will now be known as Willo)

Yellow - Steve Honeyman, Deano, Haggis, Citeh Geoff, Dave Babylon Gray, Jeff Betty and Mike Norman Bates

Blue - El Presidente, Chris 4G, Gary Griffiths, Joe the Ghost, Vicar of Dibley, Dave Motel Bates and Grav

White - Disco Deggs, Norman Ball, Nigel, Tony Snakehips, Tom Derby, Lee Thomo Thompson and Les Meldrew

So 2 games of 7 a side with Coach Davies acting as timekeeper/Ball boy/occasional Referee

Pink and Yellow commenced on the pitch nearest to the entrance gate and dressing rooms Yellow (for it was they) quickly elected to defend the Far End with the strong sun at their backs This tactic was employed whenever they thought they could get away with it (finally rumbled in the third and final round of games) Goals by Citeh Geoff and Steve the Honeyman boosted Yellow but Pink hit back with Phil and Cockney Rebel producing the draw both sides probably would have settled for

Blue and White was the night's most emphatic victory with the Azurri crashing 5 unanswered goals past the Bianchi From the opening it was evident that Blue had too much firepower and organisation for their opponents Joe ghosted in with an opener and then linked to provide a chance that Gary Griffiths couldn't resist firing into the top corner White could find no way of shaking off the high press that constantly presented goal scoring opportunities Further goals by the Vicar of Dibley 2 stunners and another from Gary settled the one sided affair Blue were solid at the back and moved the ball around with great purpose In contrast White were left to rely on good keeping and stout defending to restrict the rampaging Blue to just 5

In the second round Pink were surprised by White who claimed a win by 3 goals to 1 Goals by Norman Ball 2 and Deggs putting the game beyond Pink for whom Phil grabbed a consolation Too many errors for Pink and in sharp contrast White looking a much better organised and determined side than their first outing would have suggested

Blue were surprisingly outsmarted by Yellow (who again employed the Far End defensive blind spot to full effect) Ahead through Gary early in the game Blue were undone by some smart play by Deano who grabbed a well deserved leveller and then was on hand to poke home a rebound after some ghastly ghostly keeping 2-1 to Yellow

The rehydration between games reached critical mass in the break before the last round Lord Rainford's Butler appeared with a jug of Pimms for our Secretary but he dismissed his man as he had his eyes firmly on the prize for the last match Pink and Blue lined up with both sides eager to claim the win their sides on paper should have assured

Meanwhile White forced the Yellow to attack the Far End (see how they liked being partially blinded! said no one) In the end despite goals by Lee and Deggs, Yellow ended the session unbeaten thanks to goals by Deano 2 (including the usual hotly debated penalty) and Citeh Geoff (who avoided a Blue card sanction for back chat in the same game) So 3-2 Yellow unbeaten in their 3 games and claiming a 'blinding' prize for the efforts

So back to the night's talking point Sexy Football (there I've said it again) Pink enjoyed their best performance of the night with an emphatic humbling of the much fancied Blue Gonzalo claimed a brace in his usual barn storming way but several excellent saves by debutant Willo contributed to the win The final goal of the night was a fine flowing move from keeper through defence and midfield to the front Lord Rainford, Phil, Cockney Rebel, Sharon and finally Gonzalo The ball was moved left where the Cockney Rebel faced by 2 defenders and a ghostly keeper looped a shot into the far corner of the net Now that was 'Sexy Football' exclaimed Sharon and who could disagree? A thumping 3 nil win secured with brilliant team work and a sublime finish Blue probed to find a consolation but were too flat and lacking in ideas Sexy Football its the future!

The Boot Room discussions were of that goal plus Gonzalo's bruised fingers the result of stopping a wild ghostly effort with the wrong part of his hand There was talk too of the need to generate more respect for Referees and we plan to look at training more players to get involved Dissent must not be allowed to spoil games Its pointless, frustrating and embarrassing Respect the guy brave enough to volunteer to referee Any player who would like some training please let Lord Rainford or any of the Executive know and we can look into that provision

Our Over 65s play their National Cup Regional final v Brunswick Old Boys

next Friday 22nd July at LCFA Sefton, Drummond Raod, Thornton L23 9YP kick off at 13:00

Members who would like to support the Club are most welcome

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