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Nowhere to run*

Updated: Jan 7, 2022

Happy New Year Happy 7th Birthday to SHWFC where did the time go? We've all aged a little some more than others with the exception of Tony 'Snakehips' Byrne who has gone in reverse of course Members old and new met in the fevered but Covid-free atmosphere of Sutton's SoccerDome for our first session of 2022 last night A good crowd for early January 19 players plus El Presidente, referee for the night Jeff Betty had delivered the balls in a slightly deflated fashion (the balls not Jeff) and we warmed up in anticipation of an hour's footballing fun

The odd number 19 was accommodated in 3 teams of 6 - with the extra body added prior to game 2

Reds and Sky lined up in a six-a-side match as follows;

Sky - Phil, Cockney Rebel, Citeh Geoff, Grav, Tony and Les

Reds - Mike Wayne, Chopper, Vicar of Dibley, Nigel, Speedo and Steve Honeyman

We've often said that 6 -a-side is about the limit of workable space inside the SoccerDome and so the first match was predictable a close affair with space at a premium For ball aficionados we've new size 4 futsal balls on order for indoor enjoyment but for now we made do with regular indoor Mitre balls with slightly reduced pressure These balls still tend to fly around and make first touch a challenge even for the most gifted technical players Thankfully we are blessed with players who can take chances when presented and in Steve 'the Honeyman' Forshaw a predator of the top order He marked his return after the festive period with a fabulous hat trick Despite the lack of space and some good all round play Reds cruised to a 3-nil victory thanks to the Honeyman, ably assisted by Speedo in midfield with Nigel & Chopper tight in defence In reply Sky had only a speculative attempt from Tony Snakehips as their own meaningful effort on target

So game 2 expanded the game to a 7 -a-side slugfest with the previous limited space compressed yet further Orange took to the pitch fielding the Club's first siblings with Glenn Woodage lining up alongside brother Paul 'The Package' Woodage Another debutant was Mike 'Oxo' Oxley Love it when new guys already have their own nicknames! More of that later

Orange - Tom Darby, Tom Stretch, Ian B, Lord Rainford, Glenn, Paul and Oxo

Opponents Sky fresh from their comfortable first match romp were stymied by their enthusiastic citrus inspired rivals (or Orange for those reading in black and white)

Predictably 14 players crammed on to the SoccerDome's pitch led to slugfest with distinct lack of space and zero goals to show after 8 sometimes frantic minutes There was much to admire and the promise of goals too The passing was good at times but hindered by the lively ball and weight of numbers Paul the Full Package crashed one shot inches wide only he learn his effort from just outside the red zone wouldn't have counted

The re-match between Reds and Sky (return to the Rule of Six - oh not another Bozo reference) was a much tighter affair 2nd time around The Vicar of Dibley stuck early to hand the initiative to the Reds and for a time their play was neat and tidy and pointed to a shock However goals by Grav' and Speedo Mick meant Sky were able to restore their superiority There was a hilarious exchange between the Vicar and Referee El Presidente with the Vicar claiming for a dubious decision to be blessed away, much chunnering as he accepted the decision with unholy grace Phil fired narrowly wide with a rare chance (so close the side net waved in the breeze from the ball passing harmlessly by We had a comical intervention too when Chopper reacted with a flash of dissent to be shown an imaginary Blue Card by the tyrant in black At 2-1 to Sky and with moments remaining the Reds were handed an unlikely lifeline with spot kick Unfortunately the normally deadly spot-kick specialist Martin Cockney Rebel Briggs placed his shot inches wide with the last kick of the game

The night's last game was settled by a shot from the cusp of the Red Zone by Tom Derbyshire A close fought contest won with that single goal to hand Orange a victory over the Reds and bring the night to a close

SHWFC has its fair share of recurring forenames We’ve several John’s, Steve’s, Mike’s and Dave’s too So, in an effort to overcome the potential confusion that we are faced with we’ve elected to use nicknames to identify the various individuals whose parents lacked the vision to select forenames as individual as their off springs John Hawkins - quite simply is forever referred to as Lord Rainford John Davies - now known as Coach John Carson - or Kit to some of the older guys, struggling to overcome career threatening injury at present, nobbled on his first outing John Bone - One More for unspecified reasons Dave Clark - Grazer due to his tackle technique David Hamer - Hammer he claims a childhood leftover David Trenner - Dave Seagull of Brighton & Hove Albion infamy Dave Barrow - Thatto Heath Dave Dave McCarthy - Citeh Dave when available (not recently sadly) David Robinson - Crusoe Martin Briggs - Cockney Rebel Martin Williams - Chopper Geoff Painter - Citeh Geoff Jeff Birchall - Jeff or Betty (reasons unknown) Andy Houghton - Andy Capt. Andy Howell - new Andy H Gareth Clark - Gaz Gary Radford - Gary Ian Bridge - Ian B Ian Hopkins - Vicar of Dibley Mark Davies - Monday Mark Mark Gravener - Grav' Michaylo - Michaylo (pronounced Mike) Mike Andrews - Mika Mick Machin - Speedo Mick

Michael Oxley - Oxo Michael Wayne - Lee or Bruce? Steve Pitt - Herr Pitt Steve Forshaw - Honeyman Steve Rivers - Steve B2R (Billy 2 Rivers) Stephen Goldthorpe - Goldie Tony Byrne - Snakehips Tom Parr - Stretch

Tom Derbyshire - Derby

Derek Taylor - Disco Deggs Peter - El Presidente Les - Victor Meldrew Joe - The Ghost Chris - Gonzalo Higuan Paul - The Package Woodage Glenn - Glen Woodage Our huge thanks to the parents of; Alex, Les, Chris, Alain, Bryan, Deggsy, Donal, Joe, Lee, Nigel, Paul, Phil, Tony, Glenn, Wayne and of course El Presidente for their thoughtful actions so many years ago! Choosing unique names (well unique for our purposes) helps Blog writers bigly And to anyone who might have missed apologies for the oversight

Nowhere to Run* - Martha & the Vandellas Share

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