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Heroes & Villains

As my guards rowed the way to my armoured car on Monday morning for the weekly trip to Ruskin Sports Village and the hallowed AstroTurf of the Arcoframe Arena My thoughts turned to those unfortunate souls baling water from their luxury homes in leafy Cheshire

The early morning deluge of rainfall meant increased yields of bananas for my Republic of course, but what about the poor peasants? That momentary distraction was soon forgotten as my Hummer propelled itself ever nearer to S#@t Helens as Wire fans say It is always our year! Who could argue that sorry fact!

As is so often the case the Weather Gods smiled upon SHWFC and 26 players (including 2 newbies) plus a chorus of crocks (Treasurer, Social Secretary/Videographer and Little John) assembled for their Monday morning Walking Football fix

But what of Wednesday evening I hear you say (well Deggs at least) Thirty One plus a late arrival Triallist (not to be confused with our wink wink Monday morning Triallist) took to the line to try to attract the attention of the selectors Amongst the declared 'players' El Presidente ventured into his third session since his latest and hopefully last knee surgery The upshot of which was that whilst "playing" or Refereeing we had no one available to record the minutiae of detail required for normal Blog rambling

We do know that Paul netted for Orange but Barry hit back with a brace to secure White's first victory 2-1 Blue ended the White fun with a comprehensive 3-0 win in Game Two Tom 2 and Dave were on the mark for a strong Blue outfit In their last game White returned to winning ways with a 2-0 victory over Red Barry sprinted in with a goal and Deano rounded off proceedings Red eclipsed as they had been all evening

No photos available probably due to over-exposure or Boots the Chemist losing the film yet again

So was Wednesday a bit forgettable? Not if you scored a few goals or left your impression on an opponent On a happier note discipline was better with no Cards issued though the usual suspect did try his hardest to rile Chopper Williams who with Lord Rainford and Jeff Betty officiated for the session

Monday morning's teams were;

Sky - Flash Barry, Kirsty, Donal, Chris K, Charlie, Anita and Citeh Geoff

Black - Sheila, Paul J, Andy Man(anger), Les Hewitt, Phil the Moss, Mika and Grav

Purple - Mike McSpeed, Chopper, Margaret, Gonzalo, Harry the Hatchet and Ian McMarthy on debut (eventful)

Orange - Dave Price (1st appearance), Tom Derby, Kenny, Gaz, Eamon, Haggis and Jill Tomo

El Presidente as the only official in sight elected to Referee the Purple tussle with Orange with 2 newbies a calculated gamble that somehow worked After a short settling period play took on an entertaining end to end element There was little to chose between the sides though despite a numerical disadvantage Purple were slightly better organised As is often the case the whole game hinged on the more clinical finishing Orange tended to rain their shots too close to Harry the Hatchet or were wildly off target

In contrast Gonzalo picked his spot to fire the opener in the far top corner Mike McSpeed added a second before Gonzalo grabbed what would eventually prove to be the deciding third goal Purple 3 goals up at the break though play was quite even Orange were a match throughout but lacked the goals to demonstrate that

The new boys were heavily involved with Dave Price looking handy with neat passing, whist Ian McCarthy struggled not with the game but to stop asking Deggs for a pass

Two points 1. Deggs wasn't actually playing and 2. who would ever realistically expect Deggs to pass? For Deggs was in fact Gonzalo - no me neither!

After the break Orange raised their game with better link up work Jill continued to exert a growing influence in the midfield and with Kenny prompting Eamon found a break through to make it 3-1 Soon after Ian McCarthy suffered a hamstring strain and after rudimentary treatment hobbled off for an ice pack introduction The numerical balance now totally wrecked Dave Price was the subject of a multi-million transfer to Purple to balance the sides at least

Orange continued to press the Purple pips to try to salvage the game Eamon fired home to set up a grandstand finish Purple 3-2 ahead with over 10 minutes left Gonzalo turned villain (according to Gaz at least) with a string of minor infringements handball (Eamon awarding a knock on) and a couple of headers too But Purple prevailed, let off the hook when Eamon skied (Sexton-esque) in front of goal The Hatchet was reminded not to waste time Haggis was man-handled by Chopper whilst Kenny and Gonzalo wrestled for possession but somehow Purple held out for a 3-2 win

Sky were hugely indebted to the finishing power of Donal, who scored the first half's only goal Half time was called when all players gathered round Citeh Geoff El Presidente fearing the worst joined the throng only to learn that rather than a relapse of Geoff's recent illness he had in fact stopped a shot from close quarters using just his family jewels to preserve the lead After the break Donal stretched the lead with two more goals His hat trick well deserved and the significant factor in Sky's 3-0 win Anita returned to playing action well away from any temptation to 'go in goal' Honest endeavor and a good sporting contest played without the need for any referee

One slight concern afterwards was the use of video evidence that demonstrated that some of our number, usually refereed to as McSpeed, Wizz or Flash do indeed run (possibly an understatement) usually off the ball when the Referee's attention is engaged elsewhere

We have the proof if there might be any doubt, a certain Cockney Rebel may be persuaded to "lose" the video evidence ...if... you can afford his rates that is!

You know who you are

And now we do too

Mend your ways

Heroes & Villains* - The Beach Boys

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