top of page
Search

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde*

An even number of attendees for St Helens WFC at Sutton this week, an event as rare as hen's teeth. The evening started with Lord Rainford dishing out our shiny new membership cards. Like an episode of cult 60s TV drama The Prisoner everyone wanted to know who was Number 1? ‘

I’m not a number I’m a free man’, shouted Number Six!

For once Coach Davies was afforded the luxury of an easy split with ten indoors and ten outdoors.

The game indoors featured.

Oranges - Ian Lefty, Disco Deggsy, Les, Grav and Coach

Any Colour but Orange -Thatto Dave, Joe the Ghost, Speedo Mick, Lord Rainford and Citeh Geoff.

An even match with plenty of incidents, mostly involving (inevitably) Disco Deggs; after his return from Spain, his broken-down van saga and for much of the evening almost all of his opponents, at one time or another.

Oranges peeled into an early 2-0 lead thanks to finely-placed shots from Lefty and Grav, but Citeh Geoff and The Ghost levelled the game and might have had more but for some running infringements

After a break Deggs made it 3-2 with another rare event, a successful penalty! So rare in fact that the WFA are now investigating suspicious betting movements in the Far East. But that lead didn't last long as Lord R got his second goal in a week after getting free of the Orange defence. (Editor checks notes aware that M’Lord was in fact the author of this report)

Into the last period and more debate over fouls and running, but also with some fine saves from Coach with only Speedo's effort for the non-Orange eluding his grasp. The final goal of the match after someone your scribe can't remember made it 4-3 to Orange. A typically competitive and enjoyable game (as best as he can remember).

Out in the January gloom the Outsiders sorted themselves out after Gaz had led the warm-up

Green - Gaz, Tom Stretch, Mark Davies (not Coach), Package and Phil the Power

Blue - Chopper, Cockney Rebel, Rev Vicar of Dibley, Tom Derby and Nigel

Now, for this game your reporter had to rely on reports afterwards from those who attended the Turks Head Boot Room session, who I am sure gave a completely unbiased account of the game (cough, cough).

According to information received things got off to a less than ideal start when Tom Derby pulled up with a hamstring injury, which restricted his activity for the remainder of the night to goalkeeping duties.

The game ended 6 - 4 to Greens with their scorers being: Package 2, Tom Stretch 2, Gaz, and Phil (who had swapped sides with the injured Tom Derby part way through). For Blues the scorers were Cockney Rebel (a finely taken goal from a sharp angle allegedly) plus 2 from the Rev and singleton from Nigel.

The match was overseen by Ref Jeff Betty who was reported to have been 'keen but fair'. Not the most skillful of performances by either side though apparently. Relax El Presidente will be back next week! There were numerous of breaks in play from wayward clearances onto the other pitches. With usual culprit Lord Rainford inside, it was left to others to try their 'where's Thatto Heath?' act.