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Dibley's Double Despair (his pair?)

There's something uniquely magical on some nights A night that starts with a cunning plan might suddenly go off course or at a tangent at the very least The SHWFC Executive met in Holy Conclave to discuss concerns about the high incidence of muscle injuries among other ecumenical issues The members arrived promptly if not in the anticipated numbers and we made our way to the SoccerDome for one of the last few sessions indoors before .high Summer' kicks in

With a number of high profile injuries the playing assembly bore an uncanny comparison to the League Winners Trophy section of Warrington Wolves board room That's one just for you Nigel and Chopper and anyone else who likes to see grown men squirm

The Gazathon that is our warm up ended it fell to Gonzalo (knee) to select 2 -evenish teams

The Teams were;

Pink -Speedo Mick, Tom Derby, Phil the Power, Grazer, Gaz and Jeff Betty (bravely passing his whistle to Lord Rainford for the night)

White - Grav, Les Meldrew, Tom Stretch, Gary, Vicar of Dibley and Joe the Ghost

The intention was to 'make amendments as the action unfolds', explained the injured Argentinian hitman

Two goals within the first few minutes - a freak goal by the Ghost and strike by Tom Stretch exposed the need to reinforce the Pink At this point there was the unedifying sight of Tom Derby leaving the action clutching his calf to take no further part in the night

Gonzalo's cunning plan saw Jeff Betty leave his keeping duties to act as Refereeing mentor to Sussex's finest Gary switched sides too at this point and some parity returned to the revised line up

Some may be aware that our intrepid reporter often takes Voice Memos to help compile his bi-weekly ramblings In the depths of Winter the microphone has picked up gales force winds and the chatter of teeth but only at the SoccerDome can we expect to hear the James Bond theme (John Barry for you muso's) played at level 11 to persuade kids to twizzle ribbons to a frenzy

Rhythmic Gymnastics is not for the faint hearted but clearly it did have a beneficial effect on White as Gary fired a goal to signal a swing in their fortunes 2-1 to Pink Act One

Its a stretch to picture the Vicar of Dibley as an arch Bond Villain , but his crashing effort from outside the shooting zone was correctly ruled out by highly animated Lord Rainford (He was rightly enjoying his elevation from the Lords to senior Referee, more of that later)

With Might on His Side and Divine Inspiration, the Vicar hit another scorcher to restore 3-1 cushion This effort was signaled by M'Lord to be valid so halos all round. ,There seemed to be a 5 minutes spell where the ball magnetically was never far from SHWFC's favourite Padre

A wild shot lowered Ian to his knees (in prayer?) but when he recovered it was quite evident that Ian was not clutching his Rosary Beads as he played on! Ouch or perhaps Leviticus 22: 24

A word about the antics of our Referee Lord Rainford who set a splendid example of English eccentricity with his performance about the pitch Whilst other referees are stationary or comatose on occasion M'Lord was all over the pitch his Hat completing his 'look' In the grand style of Christopher Biggins or Jim Dale It was a marvelous performance always in charge and missing little at any time all evening

The Vicar (for it was he) having recovered his poise drifted carelessly into his area to concede a penalty which Speedo dispatched in some style 3-2 Soon after Speedo was on hand to steer a leveller that was always on after Gonzalo's adjustment to the relative playing strengths

Undaunted, White hit back when Les was on target from a tight angle having evaded the Pink defenders 4-3 to White and the endo f a fragrant first period signaled by Lord Rainford with a loud blast and accompanying semaphore signal Grand Theatre all round at the interval

The arrival of a troop of black-clad ninja warriors abseiling from the SoccerDome's steel super structure to the refrain of another Bond classic musical interlude was over-shadowed by a fine if bewildering mazy dribble by Dave Grazer Clark at the commencement of the second stanza Sadly this was the last action from Clark Senior before he took up the keeping duties for the remainder of the night His reward for unselfish work was an excellent penalty save Heroes don't always score winning goals!

Gonzalo had used the break to deliver sound tactical advice to both sides privately. As a consequence Pink claimed the 2nd half plaudits with goals by Phil and Speedo to a solitary effort by the Vicar shaded the scores 2-1 in that period and 5-5 in the overall contest The defensive organisation suggested during the break plugged the flurry of first half goals without deterring both sides attacking ambitions.

Special mention to Phil who displayed admiral restraint to move out of the way of screaming shot from the Vicar He declared that the wind from the shot would have beaten him and who would disagree At 5-5 the said member of the Upper House brought the fun to an end

Off we trooped some to give thanks others to the Boot Room where the craic was as mighty as ever The night's abiding (another religious link?) memory was a hugely enjoyable spectacle spoiled only by the gallery of photographic evidence of injury bruises All declared that Disco Deggs owned the finest example though no one could identify the area of his trophy bruise Decency Laws prevent the publishing of the offending snaps

Monday's blog will include firm news of the National Cup games dates and timings

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