M’Lord Of The Ring(s)*

The Monday morning Ruskin Sports Village session was in number terms something of a disappointment We have through thick and very thin endured the rigours of winter with a regular healthy attendance This week’s opening salvo was inexplicably modest but undeterred those who did make the session were rewarded with some excellent performances

Four teams of six were put through their paces by Football Manager Andy Houghton before being aligned in the following manner;

Orange - Mark NR, Lord Rainford, Cockney Rebel, Kirsty, McSpeed and Snakehips

Black - new boy Mike Thompson, Haggis, Andy Man, Barry Wizz, Joe the Ghost and Little John

Neon - Ashy, Les H, Chris K, Phil the Cat, Les Meldrew and Wor Eileen

Sky - Steve Honeyman, Chopper, Enoch, Grav, Donal and PaulF

The games were tight evenly-matched affairs with goals very much at a premium Referees Jeff Betty Birchall and Eamon O’Hooligan reported a very satisfactory morning with plenty of sporting gestures and examples but otherwise little to do with

Orange were unstoppable winning both their matches 3-0 Neon then Sky put to the sword Yellow had started brightly sweeping to a 2-0 win over Black The final match with Sky facing Black was unquestionably the morning’s best contest a 5 goal thriller, Sky prevailed by the narrowest margin 3-2

There was a happy return to Ruskin for our WFA Referee Les Lomax who has endured medical issues plus a house move since his last sighting Debutant Mike Thompson enjoyed his first exposure to Walking Football His appearance was eased by a brief introductory coaching session by Andy Man Jeff Betty was most impressed with his observing the no running laws Mike said he really enjoyed the session but found it much tougher than he expected

Midweek witnessed the final winter session before the Innards join the throng out on the AstroTurf tundra For the record those pink-eyed pale faces were;

White - Les Meldrew, Triallist, Grav, Phil the Power and Chris 4G

Red - Enoch, Joe the Ghost, Peter T, Lord Rainford and Steve Honeyman

The game was dominated by Red who comfortably outscored their opponents, romping to an 8-4 victory Goals by Enoch, Peter, Joe 2 and the Honeyman with 4 ensured Lord Rainford’s painful end to his appearance was at least rewarded

The ennobled one sustained a seriously dislocated ring finger saving a penalty by Phil the Power M’Lord joined friend and fellow damaged finger victim Tom ‘Stretch’ Parr, pictured in happier times, on the injured (but not forgotten) list

Throwing himself recklessly to the floor he took the full force of the spot kick Pictures before, after and X-Rays are presented in evidence of the derring-do

It reinforces the certainty that Phil earned his The Power nickname due in no small way to the force he generates through the football Lord Rainford, who bravely faced the spot kick rather than employing his Butler to face the shot as he usually does, spent the remains of the session in real discomfort The damage (injury) was only added to by the A&E delay (insult) before he returned to his country seat in the early hours of Thursday He’s expected to spend three months in the House of Lords for a good rest Rehabilitation plans will be announced in due course

Meanwhile elsewhere, the Outward Bounder tyros produced a superb display of Walking Football with the outcome in the balance until the closing minutes The teams were;

Blue - Steve Carine, Eileen, Deggs, Cockney Rebel, Andy Man, Ian Hilton, Darron and debutant John Hill

Yellow - Deano, Jason, Haggis, Little John, Helen, Martin Mc, Simon and Nigel (back from injury and New Zealand holiday)

The game was an end to end full blown contest Yellow produced fewer passing errors and in the final analysis just about squeezed home with two late goals to wrap up victory

The Huyton Hitman had once again too much to say for himself and eventually El Presidente lost patience and produced the inevitable Blue Card sanction During his absence Yellow scored twice to turn the game their way Blue had taken the lead thanks to Steve Carine in 4 minutes Yellow hit back thanks to Haggis for 1-1 The recovery underway

The second half started with a great strike from Simon that took a wicked deflection off Andy for Yellow to snatch the lead 2 - 1 The Blue Card had proved costly, for no sooner than the naughty step emptied, Cockney Rebel found the net to put Blue back on terms 2-2 and a real contest now in prospect The game was settled by two late goals First Helen found acres of space, with Blue overstretched, to fire home from close range 3-2 Yellow ahead Jason applied the coup de grace in the last couple of minutes 4-2 Yellow good value for the win Blue competitive but ultimately not helped by self-inflicted damage

Plaudits to Helen and Eileen who had excellent games, John settled into the game after a shaky opening The game, as mentioned earlier, is much harder than non-players realise Deano, Darron and Ian were neat and tidy in possession

A great game smiles all round

The real drama, however, was reserved for the post-match period With Lord Rainford urged, advised and cajoled to attend A&E (and all from just one cell phone) The Boot Room media session descended into a Sixth Form innuendo-fest News of the unfortunate injury was circulated quicker than a Signal Group confidential battle plan

In Thursday’s main story on Sky Sports News we learned that Lord Rainford had passed a peaceful night at his country pile Happily his wedding ring survived the ordeal unblemished (after 35+ years no mean feat) News from the Boot Room focused on the damaged ribs suffered by the SHWFC Glee Club

Just another day in the life of a SHWFC member

M’Lord Of The Ring(s)* - with apologies to J.R.R. Tolkien