I Just Wasn’t Made For These Times*

In a break with the last few days Monday morning’s Ruskin Sports Village session was staged in sunny conditions, enough to tempt 40+ Members from their slumbers to stretch, thrust and enthuse the prospect of a little Walking Football with their fellow members Ref Jeff Betty, El Presidente and Charlie owned up to chance to flex their inner tyrant as the Morning’s Refereeing Trio

The teams selected after the cast of the remake of Cocoon formed a number of single lines were;

Red - Grav, Phil the Power (in cotton wool), Lefty Bridge, Margaret, Cockney Rebel, Gonzalo & Chopper

Purple - Amazon, Wickie, Michelle Monday, Prout G, Geoff Poole, Mike Bate and Phil The Moss

Green - Enoch, Roy, McSpeed, Citeh Geoff, Helen, Ashy and Donal

Old Gold - Haggis, Triallist, Brian, Kirsty, Lord Rainford, Eamon and Jill

Black - Dawn, Mark NR, Rick, Tom Stretch, Barry Wizz, Phil the Cat and Snakehips (guest)

Blue - Little John, PaulF, Mike Tomo, Andy Man, Tracey and debutant Brian Beach Boy Wilson and Snakehips (guest too)

Charlie took charge of the catch weight contest between Black and Blue Snakehips guested for both sides, thankfully not at the same time In the end Blue prevailed by dint of an excellent debut by the Surfer Dude and the subtle use of the extra player when they had that advantage Black in contrast were unable to take full control when they had the ‘benefit’ of the added body

Goals by PaulF 2, Mike Thomo 2, Tracey and two by Brian Wilson (missed the match ball by inches we reliably informed) were enough to give the honours to Blue Whilst Black scorers were Phil with a brace, Barry and Mark with singletons The final outcome Blue 7 v Black 4 'good time had by all

El Presidente took immediate charge of the Green and Purple fixture to avoid any over-exhuberance with two vocal and rapid squads The outcome was a very intriguing game that might have finished with either side on top Green did finish on top, in no small measure due to their more composed finishing prowess Roy struck the eventual first goal from some distance before McSpeed latched on to a loose ball to seal a close 2-0 victory Purple had lots of possession but couldn’t unlock the Green rearguard

Yellow and Red was a fine close game with some very well taken goals Eamon claimed a brace for Yellow, his second a fierce drive But Gonzalo also hit two, including a drive after a great turn Margaret finished Cooley having been set up by a good ball from Gonzalo Lefty Bridge hit a trademark screamer as Red completed a fine 4-2 victory

Yellow and Green produced a classic game with a last gasp penalty from Eamon denying Green a win Citeh Geoff and McSpeed seemed to have done enough to secure a narrow 2-1 win for Green Haggis did well to put Yellow back in contention The penalty harshly awarded when a defender erred into the area was tucked away and the game ended locked at 2-2

In the last game Purple had too much guile to see off a plucky Red team Geoff Poole hit two very clinical finishes to pitch Purple ahead Lefty Bridge pulled Red back in contention before goals by Phil Moss and Michelle Monday sealed a 4-1 win that slightly flattered Purple Another good contest with all involved showing great sportsmanship

The Midweek Sutton SoccerDome session has attracted biggly numbers (great ratings not like those Libtard Losers on CNN or ABC) of late And this week’s turnout was another encouraging thrash before Winter rules kick in next week Yes a reminder dear readers that next week we have the return of the 10 usual suspects twinkle toeing around the indoor Sports Hall whilst the rump of members tackle the frozen wastes of the AstroTurf wastes outside

With just two pitches at our disposal 39 players were shoe-horned into action with a 10 v 10 plus a 10 (with one sitting out in turn) facing a rigid 9 We did have an unofficial attempt to square the numbers to 9v9 with a protest walk off but the less said about the better

The original team line ups were;

White - Haggis, Phil the Power (cotton wool surviving intact) Les Meldrew, Jo, PJ, Cockney Rebel, Little John, Jason, Simon and Enoch

Yellow - Smoke Bomba, Les H, Benno, Dawn, Subbuteo Dave, Roy, Graham, James and Joe the Ghost

Orange - Lee Thomo (back after injury crisis) Neil Stretch, Mark Dav, Midweek Michelle, Lord Rainford, Andy Man, Grav, Steve Smith, Colin and Eamon

Red - Deggs, Rachel, Steve Carine, Tom Stretch, Phil the Cat, Mike Thomo,Wickie, Chris 4G, debutant Mark Armstrong (fine performance Stretch possible nickname?) and Ian H

Our Referees for the evening were controversial Jeff the Ref Betty and El Presidente (hard but fair/cruel or ruthless?)

The epic numbers and entertainment began with Yellow and Red playing a very close game Both teams produced some excellent passages of play before Steve Carine cashed in on a defensive error to fire Red ahead 1-0 Steve Carine found space to steer a cross from Ian Hilton to give Red tom2 goal advantage Yellow finally responded when Roy hit a fierce drive that skipped off the surface to fly into the net 2-1 Red still in front but Yellow an increasing threat That score ended being the final score as both sides tightened their grip on possession and eliminated the defensive blunders

The game featuring Orange and White was rather one sided in the end Orange victors by 3 goals to nil Colin, Steve Smith and Eamon each registering on target

Yellow and Orange was another great advert for Walking Football with both sides having spells on top Passing and movement was critical Orange ripped Yellow apart but a superb save by Dawn kept it scoreless One really pleasing development has been the increase in team communication over the past month We have some very vocal guidance being offered now and it makes such a difference in teams with less experienced players Steve Smith found the net with a tackle and early shot to put Orange 1 goal up Chris Smoke Bomba Prout equalised from a short free kick touched off by Roy 1-1 and a great game now in evidence

Grav finished off a great passing move touched place the ball in the Yellow corner of the net Some excellent approach work by Mark Dav and Eamon presented the opportunity finished in style 2-1

Steve Smith extended the lead with some ease, his chance the result of more intricate passing Dav creating space Grav finding a divisive pass 3-1 The move was replicated shortly after with a long clearance from Andy, finessed by Dav for Steve Smith to wrap up his hat trick and a 4-1 win for Orange, certainly the strongest side on a night of good football and better goals

Phil the Power tucked away a penalty given for 4 ‘not walking’ team offences to give White a share of the spoils Tom Stretch was the Red as the final match ended all square 1-1

The post match Boot Room session was a muted affair with missing stalwarts absent for their own very personal reasons Those in attendance marvelled at the quality of the night’s performances Sky Sports begged for individual details as usual but were met with steely silence ‘We just take each game as it comes’ remarked one of those present ‘They'll be asking for interviews with the players at half time next’ Said another

Where will it all end?

I Just Wasn’t Made For These Times* - Beach Boys from Pet Sounds a contender for GOAT, in tribute to our latest Monday signing