Out Of My League*
- St Helens Walking Football
- Aug 25
- 6 min read
Blog Towers was hit by a random act of industrial sabotage last week It is unclear at this juncture just why a respected weekly Blog should offend a band of desperate terrorists but we are heartened that Inspector Knacker of the Yard has promised to leave no stone unturned in the search for the culprits
Last week’s Monday morning’s Ruskin rampage was the scene of some unsavoury conduct unbecoming of Walking Footballers with some disrespectful shenanigans As returning (tyrant/dictator for life) El Presidente addressed the assembled starters this week, he pledged to bring order back or Make Ar’ Game Great Again
All members are reminded that they signed up to the Club’s Code of Conduct, he raged! In addition a reminder that all members must utilise the Noticeboard Availability Poll to confirm their attendance was issued in an attempt to avoid unnecessary confusion on our session days
With the housekeeping matters dealt with, he confirmed that the Club should soon take possession of England v Wales tickets for October’s Wembley fixture
Applause was then heaped upon Jill ‘Tomo’ Thomas and Tracey O’Hara who have earned International recognition with their inclusion in their respective England Squads for the FIFWA World Nations Cup in Spain this October Congratulations to you both
This Monday morning’s bumper attendance meant 40 players were pitched into action in grey overcast but humid conditions In addition to those hardy souls 3 Referees were prepped ready to officiate what could possibly go wrong? Hearing Aid batteries apparently, can’t legislate for that no matter how good the planning
The teams after careful scrutiny and deliberation were;
Green - O’Hooligan, Smoke Bomba’s Dad, Big Tony, Steve Jones, Julie, Mika and Tom Stretch
Purple - Chopper, Haggis, Chris K, Tomo, Mark NR, Les H and Cockney Rebel
Black - Ashy, McSpeed, Lefty, Ricky, Triallist, Anita and Harry the Hatchet back in action
Blue - Sheila, Monday Michelle, Andy Man, Citeh Geoff, Les Meldrew and Jenko
Old Gold - Barry Wiz, Margaret, Eileen, Steve Honeyman, Brian, Mike Thomo and Snakehips (late guest appearance)
Red - Phil the Power, PaulF, Jan, Simon, Geoff Poole, Enoch and Amazon Prime
The morning was adjudicated by Ref Jeff Betty, El Presidente and Charlie who enjoyed a trouble-free series of games played in good spirit
El Presidente cast his gaze over the first game that featured Old Gold and Blue Some sublime moments as the teams sprayed expansive passes about the pitch There were bewildering pass attempts too, some players need to think whether they should be trying to knock pitch wide passes when in truth the ball rarely travels more than ten yards with any accuracy Realism says keep it simple You’ve worked hard to win the ball now keep it
Old Gold weathered early pressure to take a strong grip on proceedings with evergreen Steve Honeyman on target with two excellent finishes At this stage he was imperious, almost unplayable leading the line with great purpose Barry Wizzed in with a third for Old Gold before the industrious Michelle Monday grabbed a fine response for Blue Mike Thomo was on hand to add Old Gold’s fourth just before the break The interval adjustment of Snakehips moving to Blue to see out the game paid instant rewards with Sheila showing some style to make 4-2 Old Gold still on top but less dominant as the game progressed Monday Michelle powered two more goals to claim the match ball and bring the scores level 4-4 The Old Gold wasted a rare chance to re-exert their former dominance and the game was decided by a break away goal finished by Snakehips from close in His celebrations, included an ungentlemanly taunt aimed at Old Gold keeper Eileen
A Blue Card was produced but happily the sanction went unheeded as we later learned that Snakehips’ hearing device was without power He stayed on to milk the Blue victory 5-4 the final score The result was harsh on Old Gold who were excellent in the first half especially Blue made their second half numerical advantage tell A good game played in fine spirit Blue getting the win when it seems unlikely before the late late show
Charlie enjoyed two decent games after the previous week’s debacle Green met the Black in an entertaining game played at frantic pace at times but mostly within the legal framework of the game Tom Stretch extended his recent hot form with a brace and Eamon netted as Green powered to a 3-0 victory, Black’s attack unusually stifled with McSpeed unable to add to his hat trick in his last outing In his second match Green faced Purple another close encounter with goals by O’Hooligan and Mark (No Relation) Davies producing the goals a 1-1 deadlock
Head Judge Ref Jeff Betty took care of business in the remaining matches Purple and Red well matched in a hugely impressive opening game Both sides had their moments of great football with good passing inter-changes Chris Kelsall and Phil the Power (from a spot kick) were the scorers in a compelling 1-1 draw Red were held to nil-nil draw in their final action a tense match with Black A fitting end to the morning’s entertainment, another contest demonstrating how well balanced Andy Man’s selection strategy is now proving
Our midweek get together at Sutton SoccerDome followed the recent trend, loads of players, sufficient referees and spells of quite amazing Walking Football
The teams selections were made in testing conditions as ever with some members ignoring the firm request to advise their availability via our Noticeboard poll It takes mere seconds to click to say you’re going to play or not Our Football games are so much easier to plan with full knowledge of the available players
The teams eventually selected were;
Pink - Mark Dav, Colin, Ian H, Les Meldrew, Robin, Roy and debutant Jo Campbell
Yellow - Graham, Haggis, Mutch, Citeh Geoff, Mike Thomo and PJ
Blue - Steve Smith, Les H, Phil the Power, Helen, Subbuteo Dave and Grav
Green - Steve C, James Campbell on debut with wife Jo, Jason, Joe the Ghost and Chris 4G
Orange - Wickie, Eileen, Eamon, Cockney Rebel, Louise and Andy Man
Black - Benno, Enoch, Midweek Michelle, Lord Rainford, Tom Stretch and Little John
Orange and Blue served up a tasty opening game under the supervision of our own Ref Jeff The outcome was always in doubt and in the end finished all square three goals apiece Eamon 2 and Andy Man were the Orange scorers with Grav and Subbuteo Dave finding 2 in reply The game was end to end intense with fabulous performances all over the pitch
Game 2 was equally tight with Black and Blue battering themselves to a standstill Steve Smith found the net for Blue with Benno squaring proceedings with his reply for Black
El Presidente presided over two epic battles with the opening game including one of the finest set ups for a goal seen at Sutton Andy Enoch Powell received the ball for Black with his back to goal and Citeh Geoff in close attendance His first touch flicked the ball over his shoulder to give himself a glorious route to goal His finish across the Yellow keeper The action was swift and decisive, there were cries for an overhead infringement but the ball had stayed at shoulder height, certainly not above head 1-0 Black rocked Yellow with the shock opener Yellow calmly and patiently played their way back into contention Late in the action PJ brought parity with an explosive shot 1-1 And that’s how it ended a superb contest both sides enjoying spells on top but neither able to seal victory
There was an equally enthralling second game with Orange and Pink unable to be separated after another superb contest Play intensified as the clock ran down Lots of great effort to find a goal but ultimately between great saves and wasteful finishing the game ended all square
Probably the best nil -nil draw in the history of Walking Football?
Mean while Pink ran riot romping to a 4-0 win with Dav, Ian H and Roy on the scoresheet The fun was so good that everyone was distracted from recording the real shoreline and scorers If you was involved in these other games you can tell your friends and family you scored repeatedly - no one can deny your moment of fame and immortality
Our Carlsberg social media campaign started on Friday with a superbly edited 90 second cinematic masterpiece There are plans to make further releases over the next weeks to deliver Carlsberg message to the widest audience By September we can rightly claim to be the most famous Walking Football Club in the world…probably
Ruskin Sports Village opener to our week will be on Tuesday this week with the facility closed for the Bank Holiday- the last Bank Holiday of the year
Out Of My League* - Fitz and the Tantrums ( Multi Platinum Los Angeles based pop, indie and dance music collective) No Relation