Helpless*

Monday morning’s Ruskin Sports Village session was played in benign conditions with the potential for bright sun or heavy rain never far away This elemental stand off meant that gusty winds became the dominant factor Clouds scurried across a sky that flipped from cloudy grey to darker er er …grey Unperturbed a lusty gathering assembled to bitch about the weather and lack of cake for the post session refreshment break Full marks then for John Hill who invoked the spirit of Easter Bunny by dishing out chocolate lollies to those present In a moment of inspired creeping he presented a chocolate Easter Bunny to El Presidente In pure coincidence John’s elevation to the Presidential inner circle is now assured But I’m getting ahead of all the morning’s drama

Three pitches in use Two formal Referees Charlie and Jeff Betty plus a game refereed in 2 halves, the workload ably shared by Phil the Power and El Presidente

The teams under the microscope were;

Old Gold - Margaret, Dave Roberts, Lefty Bridge, Ian Connor, Amazon Prime & Big Tony

Green - Mark A, Les Meldrew, Kirsty, Wickie, Andy Man and Donal

Blue - Citeh Geoff, Mike Thomo, Anita, Cornelius, Honeyman & Les H

Purple - Enoch, McSpeed, Mark NR, Steve Jones, Sheila & Robin

Red - Aldo, Brian P, Monday Michelle, Brian Smith, John Hill and Steve Eccles

Black - Phil the Power/El Presidente, Jill Tomo, Tom Stretch, Glen, Snakehips and Gonzalo

Charlie took the first match on the nearest pitch to the grandstand as Old Gold and Purple met in the fading bruise derby A goal by usual suspect Ian Lefty Bridge and reply from Mark NR meant the game ended all square Despite numerous chances a 1-1 draw seemed to satisfy all

Purple faced Green in their second match and fared better with a close 2-1 win thanks to brace by McSpeed Donal claimed the Green consolation goal A tight match with plenty to admire for the watching spectator

Next door Pitch B fell under watchful gaze of Ref Jeff Betty who offered these words of wisdom thereafter

Blue 2 v 1 Green

Steve Honeyman (1) Mike Thomo (1) for Blue 

Kirsty (1) in reply for Green

A good game with a little too much ‘not walking’ at first which later settled down after a series of free kick decisions Kirsty hit the goal of the game with a screamer into the top corner

In Game 2

Blue 1 v 2 Old Gold

Margaret (1) Dave Roberts (1) for Old Gold

The Honeyman (1) for Blue

Another good game Blue mostly defensive but couldn’t keep Old Gold out with Margaret scoring a great goal plus an assist for Dave Roberts’ effort Blue scored a late consolation goal but ‘ran’ out of time A lot to be happy about once the ‘not walking’ habit was halted

The day's remaining game was a goal deluge with 2 players each claiming 7 goals Black, with Gonzalo almost unplayable at times, held a narrow 6-5 lead Glen hit a brace with Gonzalo the other 4 Red relied on their ‘darts team’ formation with several players constantly in perpetual motion and Steve Eccles (back after a long absence) plundering the 5 Red goals

At the break El Presidente replaced Phil the Power with the whistle but the same pattern remained unchanged End to end forays brought the best out of all keepers (notable mentions to the 2 Brian’s plus Tom Stretch and Snakehips with some fine work between the sticks)

The game was settled with a last minute goal by Gonzalo Though Red had levelled through Aldo plus 2 more from Eccles but that second half hat trick saw Black home

A morning without controversy would be quite something so the blast of a distant rogue whistle distracted some players whilst others continued to play on Gonzalo fired home the winner 9-8 the final score Play to the whistle remains as relevant as ever In the seconds remaining Red mounted a last ditch effort to salvage a draw only for the final authorative whistle to draw an end to the game

Not often a team will score 8 but still lose, not often a player can claim 7 goals and still be on the losing side Football eh? Bloody Hell

Wednesday night will see the return to all outdoor games until September With no footballing distractions to affect numbers we waited with baited breath for the Availability Poll results

In the event with a uninvited deluge at kick off time quelled some of the pent up enthusiasm allowing 2 games to go ahead with Referees Chris 10P Prout and El Presidente ensuring fair play

The teams selected were;

Red - Citeh Geoff (Red under protest), Jason, GRAV, Mark Dav, Midweek Michelle & Paul Cott

Green - Andy Man, Phil the Power, Benno, Eileen, Gaz and Sully

Yellow - Ian Hilton, Steve Smith, Jeff Betty, Steve Carine, Simon & Cockney Rebel

Blue - Les Meldrew, Les H, Mike Thomo, Roger, Steve Eccles, PJ and Nigel

Chris 10P continues to impress as our injury-pressed Referee Players were happy with his application of the Laws, keeping the game flowing with minimum fuss Sadly we’ve no details of goal scorers to share but the 4-2 score line was a good indication of a close hard fought effort all round

In late breaking news

Scorers from Wednesday, Green vs Red

Red 4 - GRAV 2, Mark Dav (pen) & Jason

Green 2 - Gaz, Phil the Power

Green missed a pen

The Yellow v Blue game was a high scoring game that started with Blue pressure, Yellow defending deep struggling to clear their lines A bizarre opening goal handed Yellow the opening goal with the Blue keeper missing in action (fielding a ball from the other match) Simple tap in to an undefeated net 1-0 Yellow ahead Steve Eccles found an equaliser as Yellow failed to clear when under little pressure 1-1

Steve Smith finished after a great build up 2-1 to Yellow, Eccles struck almost immediately to level the score 2-2 Blue fired a long range goal with the Yellow keeper this time missing on ball retrieval duties 3-2 Blue ahead Next PJ tucked away to put Blue 4-2 ahead, great teamwork again the key

Cockney Rebel claimed with his usual calm Yellow back to 4-3 Simon struck as the rain intensified and Yellow were good value for their fight back 4-4

After the break the rain eased slightly but the football pressure kept a fierce momentum Blue squeezed ahead Eccles risking further skin grafts to his knees to poke home 5-4 Mike Thomo found yards of space with Yellow visibly tiring (extra opponent now having a significant impact) to give Blue a 6-4 advantage Nigel on target (a welcome return after prolonged absence) to extend the score back to 7-4 The additional Blue was now a clear unfair edge as Mike Thomo added another 8-4

With 15 minutes remaining Les Hewitt switched to Yellow, Jeff Betty took immediate advantage to fire home 8-5 Steve Carine found the far corner of the net to bring Yellow closer still at 8-6

Into the final 9 minutes, Blue steadily moving back on top Eccles yet again picked off an under hit back pass to make it 9-6 Yellow hit back from the restart with another Carine effort 9-7

A good series of saves by Jeff Betty kept Yellow in contention with 6 minutes remaining Blue struck again for 10-7 before some shrewd game management by Meldrew lifted the pressure on the Blue defence Steve Carine hit a real peach for 10-8 Yellow not giving up without a fight but unable to ultimately close the gap

An odd game, with two crazy goals and with some fine finishing too

News reached us this week that Geoff Poole, who joined us for a spell last year, is living the dream, touring the country in his canal narrow boat

Geoff, who lived in Florida for many years, set sail with his American wife Pamela to see the country from this unique view point Their plan is to have ‘an adventure’ with no time frame or schedule, touring as the whim takes them The journey almost ended when their boat was moored just yards from a huge canal breach near Llangollen “We were 3rd boat down from the breach, when a neighbouring owner knocked to awaken us Our whole boat was slanted Our Christmas tree had slid across the cabin and crashed to the floor There was a real danger our boat mooring would slip down the huge hole in the bank” The following morning’s daylight revealed the extent of the collapse We had to move temporarily to a hotel until the boats could be rescued The camaraderie with other owners was really nice Having been cruising for just a couple of months, we’d already learned that plans change all the time on the canals Locks close, engines fail and things break You expect that but you don’t expect a breach like this”

Unperturbed Geoff has vowed to carry on and continue to discover this rather different view of the country He intends to return to St Helens and join in our sessions whenever he can He sends his best wishes to all members

Helpless* - Kim Weston (Vintage 1966 Motown UK number 13 hit)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WfteA1uVHqI