Sick note.

Hi O'Hooligan here!

Live and exclusive from the Darren Anderton(sick note) suite at Whiston Hospital. This department deals with all ailments suffered by footballers and us lot! I have been looking at appointments for this week and some familiar names have come up.

BARRY WHIZZ is coming in to have a black box and speed inhibitors fitted! LORD RAINFORD is coming in with burns on his hands after being electrocuted whilst turning on the Xmas lights for his estate in Rainford. Some idiot threw a snowball at him and caused the shortage!

DAVE PRIME is coming in with a sprained shoulder after throwing a snowball at His Lordship while he turned the Xmas lights on in his estate!

COCKNEY REBEL is coming in to see the speech therapist. Trying to get him to talk proper like wot we do and stop saying things like Cawnah when reffereeing!

HARRY THE HATCHET is having his nails done! Must looks after your hands he says!

VICTOR MELDREW is coming in after suffering lead poisoning due to biting into so many dud coins given in as subs!

LES HEWITT is having some contact lenses that actually stay in!

KENNY NOLAN is coming in for an hour on the rack to make himself taller. WICKY is coming with him to make sure it hurts!

DONAL is donating blood but is the first person in history to do it through his knee! That seems to be all appointments for this week! Don't be late! Cheers 😇🇮🇪